Version 3.0.0 Last update: 6 March 1996 Please send corrections to keeper@armory.com The latest version of this file is always available only from: Email - keeper@cats.ucsc.edu FTP - rasputin.caltech.edu (Pub/Animaniacs/info/AMLF*.txt) WWW - http://www2.cruzio.com/~keeper/AMLF.html /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \ / / Animaniacs Mega Lyrics File \ \ / / Original concept by "The Corinthian" \ \ Corrected and maintained by Ron O'Dell / / \ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ Only the first appearance of each song will be listed in the Ep. column. For example, "Yakko's Universe" is listed as appearing in Episode 3 only despite being aired in Episode 50 as well. TABLE OF CONTENTS: No. Ep. Title -- Songs (some) -- --- ------------------------------------------------------- 1. 1 Animaniacs Theme with all variable verses 2. 1 "The Monkey Song" 3. 1 "Nighty-Night Toon" (Transcription) 4. 2 "Yakko's World" 5. 2 Pinky and The Brain Introduction (2 Variations) 6. 2 "Cookies For Einstein" -- Open Your Doors; The Acme Song 7. 3 "H.M.S. Yakko" lyrics 8. 3 Slappy Squirrel Introduction 9. 3 "Slappy Goes Walnuts" -- Acme Snax; Carousel of Walnuts 10. 3 "Yakko's Universe" 11. 4 "Hooked on a Ceiling" -- Come See Us 12. 5 "Taming of the Screwy" -- The Studio Shrink; The Etiquette Song 13. 6 "Warner" parody of Flipper theme 14. 6 "What Are We?" 15. 7 "Piano Rag" -- Joe From Kokomo 16. 7 "When Rita Met Runt" -- Humans Ain't What They Seem To Be 17. 8 "Warner's Lot" parody of Gilligan's Island theme 18. 8 "The Big Candy Store" -- The Candyman's Swell 19. 8 "Bumbie's Mom" -- Bumbie, the Dearest Deer 20. 9 "Wally Llama" -- Llama Llama Llama 21. 10 "King Yakko" -- Let the Anvils Ring; In Dear Old Anvilania 22. 11 "No Pain, No Painting" -- Frere Warner 23. 11 "Les Miseranimals" lyrics 24. 12 "West Side Pigeons" lyrics 25. 13 "Hello Nice Warners" -- The Hills Are Quite Full 26. 13 Hip Hippos Introduction 27. 13 "La Behemoth" lyrics 28. 16 "Chalkboard Bungle" -- Our First Day of School 29. 17 "Roll Over, Beethoven" -- Clean Your Flue for You; Writin' Hooey 30. 17 "The Cat and the Fiddle" -- A Place Called Home (Somewhere) 31. 18 Chicken Boo Introduction (2 Variations) 32. 18 "Nothing But the Tooth" -- Call Doctor Yakko 33. 21 "Four Score and Seven Migraines Ago" -- Lincoln; Gettysburg 34. 21 "Wakko's America" 35. 21 "Davy Omelette" theme 36. 23 "Be Careful What You Eat" 37. 25 "Hercule Yakko" -- We Haven't Got a Clue 38. 25 Rita and Runt Introduction 39. 25 "Home On De-Nile" -- All Wrapped Up in Love 40. 26 "Sir Yaksalot" -- A Happy Place is Camelot; Square Dance 41. 28 "Moby or Not Moby" -- Captain Ahab, You're a Dummy 42. 29 "Phranken-Runt" -- Try For Two/Three; Use Your Brain; Hands-On 43. 30 "Hot, Bothered and Bedeviled" -- Hades; Government; Purgatory 44. 30 "Moon Over Minerva" -- Be My Love 45. 30 "Skullhead Boneyhands" -- The Mister Skullhead Show 46. 31 "O Silly Mio" -- Darling, I Love You 47. 31 "Puttin' on the Blitz" -- We'll Always Be Together; Reconciled 48. 32 "The Planets Song" 49. 34 "Clown and Out" -- You'll Never Laugh Alone; When the Whippoorwill 50. 34 "Bubba Bo Bob Brain" -- King of the World; Before You Play Fish 51. 35 "Animaniacs Stew" episode lyrics 52. 35 Katie Ka-Boom Introduction 53. 36 "The Three Muska-Warners" -- Musketeers; Lullaby; Hup 2 3 4 54. 37 "Boot Camping" -- Drill; Do Your Ears Hang Low? 55. 38 "Spell-Bound" songs by Minstrel Mouse Pinky 56. 39 "Smitten With Kittens" -- Milk, Please, Mama; I'm Nobody's Mama 57. 41 "Broadcast Nuisance" -- Sam'n'Ella's 58. 41 Goodfeathers Introduction 59. 43 "Of Nice and Men" -- Monterey; Stereotypical View; Bunny Beds 60. 43 "Survey Ladies" -- In the Mall 61. 44 "The Senses Song" 62. 44 "Kiki's Kitten" -- Stomach's Empty and I Need to Find Food 63. 45 "Mary Tyler Dot" parody of Mary Tyler Moore theme 64. 47 "Video Review" lyrics 65. 47 "Goodbye Song" parody of Carol Burnett Show 66. 48 "Mobster Mash" -- Italian Song; Warner Waiter Two; Before You 67. 48 "Lake Titicaca" 68 48 "Icebreakers" -- Florida; Short End of the Stick; Go it Alone 69. 49 "A Christmas Plotz" -- Many Years Ago; Mean Old Man; Lots to See 70. 49 "Little Drummer Warners" -- We Three Shepherds 71. 50 "Slipping on the Ice" parody of Singing in the Rain 72. 50 "'Twas the Day Before Christmas" (Transcription) 73. 50 "Jingle Boo" -- Jingle Boo 74. 51 "Branimaniacs" 75. 51 "The Warners and the Beanstalk" lyrics and transcription 76. 51 "Frontier Slappy" -- Daniel Boone; Slappy Squirrel 77. 52 "The Brave Little Trailer" (Transcription) 78. 53 "I'm Cute" 79. 54 "Meet Minerva" -- It's Not Pretty Being Me 80. 55 "Gold Rush" -- Hear the Crickets and the Froggies 81. 55 "Dot's Quiet Time" 82. 56 Animaniacs French Theme with notes and translation 83. 56 "Schnitzelbank" 84. 57 "Of Course You Know, This Means Warners" -- On the Homefront 85. 57 "Up a Tree" -- Corn; Dizzy; Fraidy Cat; Is This My Destiny? 86. 59 "Woodstock Slappy" -- What'm I Singin' For; Crackers; Tomato 87. 60 "Karaoke-Dokie" -- Tell Me All About Your Feelings 88. 60 "Cranial Crusader" -- Johnny Badnote 89. 61 "Baloney and Kids" -- Imagine Song; The Anvil Song; We Love You 90. 62 "Scare Happy Slappy" -- It's Halloween 91. 62 "Witch One" -- The Judge; Like a Cat; Still There's You and Me 92. 65 "The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special" -- Warners Are Back; Buddy 93. 66 "Take My Siblings, Please" -- The Hunk From Upumema 94. 67 "Pigeon on the Roof" lyrics 95. 67 "Coo" song left over from West Side Pigeons 96. 69 "I'm Mad" 97. 70 Slappy & Skippy Introduction 98. 70 "A Quake! A Quake!" 99. 71 "Variety Speak" 100. 71 "Three Tenors and You're Out" and "Finale" songs 101. 72 "U.N. Me" 102. 73 "A Hard Day's Warner" -- Running From Our Fans; They Want to Laugh 103. 74 "The Tiger Prince" (Surprises in Life) parody of Circle of Life 104. 74 "All the Words in the English Language" 105. 74 "The Kid in the Lid" (transcription) 106. 75 "The Presidents Song" 107. 77 "Multiplication" 108. 78 "The Sound of Warners" lyrics 109. H 2 "The Girl with the Googily Goop" lyrics 110. H 2 "Gunga Dot" (Transcription) 111. H 2 "Dot's Entertainment" lyrics 112. H 2 "Valuable Lesson" -- Cute and Fuzzy Snugglers 113. H 5 "Panama Canal" 114. H 5 "Hello Nurse" 115. H 5 "Ballad of Magellan" 116. H 5 "The Big Wrap Party Tonight" 117. trl "New Show: Animaniacs on Fox!" trailer 118. trl "Deck the Halls" trailer 119. trl "Do you Have a Craving?" trailer 120. trl "12 Days of Christmas" trailer 121. vid "Yakko's World: An Animaniacs Sing-Along" theme 122. alb "Traveling Animaniacs" from "Yakko's World" 123. alb "A Quake! A Quake!" from "Yakko's World" 124. alb "The Hello Song" from "Yakko's World" 125. alb "Several Drops of Rain" from "Yakko's World" 126. alb "I'll Take An Island" from "Yakko's World" 127. alb "There's Only One of You" from "Yakko's World" 128. etc Crazy Careers Lyrics from the Pinky and The Brain show: 1. 001 Pinky and The Brain Theme 2. 003 "Brainstem" 3. 004C "Cheese Roll Call" 4. 005 "Brainania" -- Brainanian War Cry 5. 009 A Pinky and the Brain Christmas Theme 6. 012 "Mouse of La Mancha" -- Don Cerebro; Scheme the Improbable Scheme ABBREVIATIONS: trl - Trailer vid - From an Animaniacs videotape alb - From an Animaniacs album etc - other ================================================ ANIMANIACS THEME Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. YW+D : It's time for Animaniacs And we're zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh 'til you collapse We're Animaniacs! Y+W : Come join the Warner Brothers Dot : And the Warner Sister, Dot YW+D : Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught But we break loose and then vamoose And now you know the plot! We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks + While Bill Clinton plays the sax. ++ We've got wisecracks by the stacks. +++ We pay tons of income tax. We're Animaniacs! + Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. +++* Meet Ralph and Dr Scratchansniff; say hi to Hello Nurse. Goodfeathers flock together; Slappy whacks 'em with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped; we have no script Why bother to rehearse? Cast : We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts. We're zany to the max There's baloney in our slacks. We're Animanie, Totally insaney *Dot : Here's the show's namey *YW+D : Pinky and The Brainy *Dot : Come back, Shaney *Dot : The rain in Spainy *YW+D : Cockamamie *Dot : Shirley MacLainey *YW+D : How urbaney *Yakko: Citizen Kaney *Yakko: Andromeda Strainy *Wakko: Where's Lon Chaney? *Yakko: Eisenhower Mamie *Yakko: Miss Cellany *Wakko: Chicken Chow Meiny *Yakko: Dana Delaney *Dot : No pain, no gainy *YW+D : Hydroplaney *YW+D : Money down the drainy *Wakko: Penny Laney *Yakko: Ehhh... *Dot : Tarzan and Janey *YW+D : Novocainey *YW+D : Here's the Flamey *YW+D : Meet Mark Twainy *Yakko: Presidential campaigny *Wakko: Hunchback of Notre Damey Cast : Animaniacs! Those are the facts. + These original lyrics eventually were replaced by... ++ Used in episodes 66-69 +++ Begun with episode 70. +++* ...except for episode 75. * Variable verse -- only one is used per episode. =============================================== THE MONKEY SONG (Episode 1) Music and lyrics by Irving Burgie and Norman Spain. Adapted by Tom Ruegger. Intro flute played by Squit until he hits Pesto in the eye with the flute. Pesto : That's it! [fighting] Hey, you watch where you're pointin' that thing! Squit : Hey, take it easy! Pesto : You wanna play the flute?! I got your flute! Hey, here's your flute! Flavio and Marita play a congo and steel drum, respectively. Squit plays the flute again. Pesto : I thought I told you to stop with that flute! Take that! Get outta my face! Squit : Ow! Come on! Come on, I ain't done nothin'! ... [crash] wakes the sleeping Dr Scratchansniff. DrSns : One Monday morning I got up late And there were these monkeys outside the gate. The guard tried to stop them but he had no luck The monkeys got free and they ran amuck! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : My office was run by the studio nurse. I came downstairs und what could be worse? The monkeys was doing a crazy dance. They put buggies in my underpants! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Monkeys dance then I dance too! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : I ran outside to get a stick But I'm telling you, friends, those monkeys was quick! 'Cause when I returned, much to my disgrace Those monkeys had the nurse in a mad embrace! Nurse : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do. Yakko : For a nickel I'll give you a clue! Dot : I didn't know your eyes were blue! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! Marita: Yessah, whoo! Flavio: Ah, play that thing! DrSns : I went to me bath for a shower and shave. The monkeys goin' to put me into my grave! The entire bathroom was laid to waste And they shaved my head with minty toothpaste! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : They is crazy-nutzo, I'm telling you! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Then by this time I was feeling dread They was using a shoe brush to shine me head. I asked them to leave but they stayed around. They pulled the chain and yee! I went down! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Call my lawyer; I'm ready to sue! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Aaaaaaaaaa! Marita: Yessah, brother! Squit with the flute again, accidently jabs Pesto in the beak. Pesto : Hey! That's it! Where do you think you're pointin' with that thing! ... Squit : Ow! Come on! Knock it off! Ouch! ... I'm losin' my tail feathers! I need those! Pesto : Yeah, I'll give you one o' those! ... DrSns : Well me patience ran out and I'm telling you sure Tomorrow I show those monkeys the door! And if they don't leave I'm inviting you To my house for dumplings and monkey stew! DrSns : I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Now I'm in the stew. -- Oh, poo. YW+D : Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! DrSns : Watch out for monkeys, I'm telling you! YWDF+M: Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! YW+D : We're not monkeys; we're just cuckoo! YWDF+M: Don't know what to say the Warners won't do! (Transcribed by Mark Hadley) =============================================== NIGHTY-NIGHT TOON (Episode 1) by Nicholas Hollander Voice : Nighty-Night Toon Inside the water tower room There was a log flume And a picture of a big baboon. And three little toons Acting like goons. Yakko : I'm Yakko. Wakko : I'm Wakko. Dot : And I'm cute! Voice : A dog and a cat Runt : Cat? Where's a cat? Voice : And a big-headed rat Brain : I'm a mouse, not a rat Voice : And two hippos who are incredibly fat. Marita: Flavio, are we actually fat? Flavio: No, my delectible. We are simply bigger than life itself. Mwah! Voice : And in this room And in this verse Are Dr Scratchansniff And... Y+W : ...Hello, Nurse! Voice : And three Goodfeathers Who... Squit : ...stick together! Pesto : What do you mean by that? You think I'm sticky? You saying I'm some kind of gooey stick bun here for your breakfast enjoyment? Is that what you're saying? Squit : No, I'm just saying-- Pesto : That's it!!! [pow, crack] Here's your sticky bun! I got your sticky bun right here! Squit : Ow! Come on! Knock it off! Voice : And Mindy and Buttons Are snuggled in bed Along with a fellow Named Mr Skullhead. And an old squirrel lady In cap and nightgown Sits in her rocker and says Slappy: Hey, pal, pipe down! Voice : Oh, er, right. Well then... Nighty-night, room Nighty-night, toons Nighty-night, log flume With the big baboon. Nighty-night, dog Nighty-night, cat Runt : I do smell a cat, but where's it at? That rhymes. That definitely rhymes. Voice : Nighty-night, hippos Marita: We're big-boned, not fat. Voice : Nighty-night, big-headed laboratory rat. Brain : I am not a rat. I'm a mouse! [BLAM!] Oh, drat. Pinky : Oh, that rhymes too, Brain. Oof. Voice : Nighty-night, Doctor And... Y+W : ...goodnight, Nurse! Voice : Nighty-night, pigeons Who constantly curse. Pesto : [pow, thud] Pasta da (?)! Fettucini al fredo! Squit : Come on! What'd I do? What'd I do? Knock it off! Come on, hey, come on! Pesto : I got your sticky bun! Here's your sticky bun! Voice : Nighty-night, Buttons Under the bed Along with his friend Mr Skullhead. Nighty-night, squirrel lady In nightgown and cap Slappy: For crying out loud Will you button your yap? Voice : Nighty-night, water tower Nighty-night, lot Nighty-night, Yakko Wakko and Dot. Nighty-night, people everywhere Yakko : And nighty-night, Wakko's underwear! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== YAKKO'S WORLD (Episode 2) Music traditional (Mexican Hat Dance). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Announcer: And now the nations of the world, brought to you by Yakko Warner! Yakko: United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean Greenland, El Salvador too. Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela Honduras, Guyana, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina And Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uraguay, Surinam And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam. Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland And Germany now one piece, Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia Italy, Turkey, and Greece. Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania Ireland, Russia, Oman, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran. There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal France, England, Denmark, and Spain. India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan, Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh (Asia) And China, Korea, Japan. Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia The Philippine Islands, Taiwan, Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand Then Borneo, and Vietnam. Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana, Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia Guinea, Algeria, Ghana. Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo The Spanish Sahara is gone, Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia Egypt, Benin, and Gabon. Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali Sierra Leone, and Algiers, Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya Cameroon, Congo, Zaire. Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar Rwanda, Mahore, and Cayman, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia... Crete, Mauritania Then Transylviania, Monaco, Liechtenstein Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan. (Transcribed by "Yakko Warner" and Paul Hendry) =============================================== PINKY AND THE BRAIN INTRODUCTIONS Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. (For the theme lyrics to Steven Spielberg Presents Pinky and The Brain, see the special section at the end of this file.) Version 1 (Episode 2) Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky... Try to take over the world! YW+D : They're Pinky and The Brain, They're Pinky and The Brain. One is a genius; the other's insane. To prove their mousey worth, They'll overthrow the earth. They're dinky; they're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. --- Version 2 (Episode 9) Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky... Try to take over the world! YW+D : They're Pinky and The Brain, Yes, Pinky and The Brain. One is a genius; the other's insane. They're laboratory mice. Their genes have been spliced. They're dinky; they're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. (Transcribed by Paul J. Lee) =============================================== Lyrics from COOKIES FOR EINSTEIN (Episode 2) by Paul Rugg "Open Your Doors" YW+D : Open your doors and buy our cookies Yodel-liddle-laddle-laddle-yaddle-yodel-lee Support the Scouts; get out your wallets Yodel-liddle-laddle-laddle-yaddle-yodel-lee Wakko: Yodel-ey-he-hoo... Yodel-ah-ha-haa... Yodel-ee-he-hee... Yodel-liddle-laddle-yaddle-lodel-diddle-dodel-doo Dobble-dee-dee! (spoken) Sorry; it's the chocolate talking. --- "The Acme Song" YW+D : Whenever we're feeling blue, Here's what we always do: When your face is long Sing the Acme Song! You'll feel so fresh and new! Yakko: There's the A that's first, There's a C that's next, There's an M; you're almost done. There's the E; it's last Now spell it out A - C - M - E That's fun! Wakko: (spoken) Now backwards! (sung) There's the E that's last There's the M; it's next There's C; you're almost done There's the A; it's first What's first is last E - M - C - A We're done! (Transcribed by Dov Sherman) =============================================== Lyrics from H.M.S. YAKKO (Episode 3) Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan. Lyrics by Paul Rugg. "We Surf the Sea" Parody of "With Cat-Like Tread" from `The Pirates of Penzance' YW+D : We surf the sea The Warners we three be To catch a gaze Of a beach to get some rays. We'll never sink Our board's not what you think It's got a tail In fact it is a whale! Y+W : Yes, Brothers Warner we Dot : And the Warner Sister Yakko: You'd like her if you kissed her. YW+D : We've surfed the seven seas Now it's time to catch some Z's! Hey! --- "I am the Evil Pirate Captain Mel" Parody of "I am the Captain of the Pinafore" from `HMS Pinafore' Mel : I am the evil pirate Captain Mel Crew : And a really evil pirate, too! Mel : You are very, very kind I'm an evil mastermind And I'll do cruel things to you. Crew : We are very, very kind He's an evil mastermind And he'll do cruel things to you! Mel : I'll kick you in the knee Poke your eye so you can't see And hit you with my sword, Though I be a pirate swine I have to draw the line... So I will not push you overboard. Crew : What, never? Mel : No, never! Crew : What, never? Mel : Hardly ever! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") --- "We Should Run and We Should Flee" Parody of "Never Mind the Why and Wherefore" from (?) Yakko: (spoken) Song break! YW+D : Gosh we're scared and gosh we're frightened 'Cause our itty-bitty new friend Has his teeny-weeny brain all set On blowing us to bits. Oh, how horrible, deplorable, This really is The pits! YWD/M: We/they should run and we/they should flee Then where would our story be? This could spell the bitter end Mel : For animated kids like them! Yakko: For the oldest Warner brother Dot : And his pretty Warner sister Wakko: And the other Warner brother Mel : Their small lives I will smother! They should run and they should flee Then where would this story be This-- Yakko: (spoken) Bon voyagey! D+W : B'bye! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") --- "I am the Very Model of a Cartoon Individual" Parody of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from `The Pirates of Penzance' Yakko: I am the very model of a cartoon individual My animation's comical, unusual and whimsical I'm quite adept at funny gags; comedic theory I have read From wicked puns and stupid jokes to anvils that drop on your head. I'm very good at fancy dances; I can even pirouette Then smack the villain with a fish; I know my cartoon etiquette I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright Then make up with flowers made of real exploding dynamite. When in a jam I just yell "stop" and villians in their tracks are froze Then I sneak up and utter "start" and take my hands and honk their nose I am quite proud to be in such a hierarchial progeny From Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird to Babs and Buster Bunny. To suit my mood I can call forth a lot of different sceneries Like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries From this bag here why I can pull most anything imaginable Like office desks and lava lights and Bert who is a cannibal. YW+D: You see, in matters comical, unusual, and whimsical We are the very model of cartoon individuals! =============================================== SLAPPY SQUIRREL INTRODUCTION (Episode 3) YW+D : The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world, Our next cartoon features Slappy the Squirrel! Slappy: (spoken) Ahhh, 'nough with the singin', already! YW+D : (sung) That's Slappy! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from SLAPPY GOES WALNUTS (Episode 3) by Sherri Stoner "Acme Snax" ditty Sung to the tune of the "William Tell Overture" by Gioacchino Rossini. Totally awesome Acme Snax They are fun and energy-packed Sugar-coated sugar sacks... --- "Wonderful World of Walnuts" theme The world is a carousel of walnuts Beautiful, colorful walnuts... =============================================== YAKKO'S UNIVERSE (Episode 3) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Yakko: Everybody lives on a street in a city Or a village or a town for what it's worth. And they're all inside a country which is part of a continent That sits upon a planet known as Earth. And the Earth is a ball full of oceans and some mountains Which is out there spinning silently in space. And living on that Earth are the plants and the animals And also the entire human race. It's a great big universe And we're all really puny We're just tiny little specks About the size of Mickey Rooney. It's big and black and inky And we are small and dinky It's a big universe and we're not. And we're part of a vast interplanetary system Stretching seven hundred billion miles long. With nine planets and a sun; we think the Earth's the only one That has life on it, although we could be wrong. Across the interstellar voids are a billion asteroids Including meteors and Halley's Comet too. And there's over fifty moons floating out there like balloons In a panoramic trillion-mile view. And still it's all a speck amid a hundred billion stars In a galaxy we call the Milky Way. It's sixty thousand trillion miles from one end to the other And still that's just a fraction of the way. 'Cause there's a hundred billion galaxies that stretch across the sky Filled with constellations, planets, moons and stars. And still the universe extends to a place that never ends Which is maybe just inside a little jar! YW+D : It's a great big universe And we're all really puny We're just tiny little specks About the size of Mickey Rooney. * Though we don't know how it got here * We're an important part here * It's a big universe and it's ours! * - According to Rogel, these lines originally were written as: You might think that you're essential Try inconsequential It's a small world after all! [close with Twilight Zone theme] =============================================== Lyrics from HOOKED ON A CEILING (Episode 4) by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV YW+D : If you need your ceiling painted come see us We will paint it better than a guy named Gus If it's flaking and it's peeling We will renovate your ceiling We will make it so appealing Come see us! Dot : Ceilings! Nothing more than ceilings! =============================================== Lyrics from THE TAMING OF THE SCREWY (Episode 5) by Peter Hastings "The Studio Shrink" Yakko: Hello Dot : Doctor Wakko: Scratchansniff! YW+D : He asks a lot of questions To find out what we think He's Doctor Scratchansniff The studio shrink. W+D : He says, Yakko: "How do you feel?" W+D : We say, "With our hands!" Yakko: "How do you stay together?" W+D : We use rubber bands! Yakko: "I want to know your psyche!" W+D : There's two inside our skull! Yakko: "Now what would you call that?" W+D : A bi-psyche skull! YW+D : He knows our motivations That's what he'd like to think He's Doctor Scratchansniff The studio shrink! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) --- "The Etiquette Song" Yakko: When you walk into a party It's a formal universe DrSns: Ja! YW+D : So you jump up on your host And with a kiss say "Hello, Nurse!" DrSns: No! Yakko: Remember that good diction Reflects so well on you DrSns: Ja! YW+D : So practice all your vowel sounds By saying "AEIOUUUUU" DrSns: No! Yakko: To use the right utensil Is one of etiquette's demands DrSns: Uuuuuggghhhh... YW+D : So we recommend you throw them out And eat with your hands! Yakko: A salad fork Dot : A dinner fork Wakko: A butter knife YW+D : A water glass Yakko: A soup spoon Dot : A dinner knife Wakko: A fork for eating pickled bass YW+D : An oyster fork, dessert spoon, a napkin, and a finger bowl, A dinner spoon, a salad knife, a bread plate for your dinner roll! YW+D : We've heard the rules you need to know to make that social climb But we'd rather spend our energy on having a good time! =============================================== FLIPPER parody (Episode 6) YW+D : They call us Warner, Warner Brothers... Dot : ...and Sister. Yakko: Ain't she a dish? Dot : And we taste just like fish! YW+D : And the Warners stir up Cartoon confusion Causing contusions Wherever they swish! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== WHAT ARE WE? (Episode 6) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Wakko: Maybe we are dogs Cute little dogs with ears Woof woof! (pant) And little tails that we can wag Hey! Let's go fetch his slippers and play tag! DrSns: Hey, get off of me! Dot : Maybe I'm a cat Whaddaya think of that? A lovely cat that all the world adores And here's my kitty paws With little kitty claws Which I like to sharpen on your couch! DrSns: Augghh! That's not funny! Yakko: Maybe I'm a bunny Hopping 'round here happy as I please Or penguins and it's cold, which makes you sneeze. Yakko: I've got it! Of course! Maybe I'm a horse I can live on oats and hay And laugh and run and jump and play And you can ride on me all day! DrSns: No way! Dot : Hey, maybe I'm a skunk DrSns: Oh boy, you really stink! Yakko: A dinosaur might be some fun DrSns: But then you'd be extinct. Dot : Maybe we're all insects Wakko: Do you like bugs and bees? DrSns: You kids are buggy in the head Yakko: Maybe we're giant fleas! Dot : Maybe an electric eel Wakko: Or a seal Dot : Get real! Hey wait a minute, I've got it now DrSns: You do?! Dot : Yes, I do. YW+D : We're not bees and we're not cats Or bugs or horses or things like that. What we are is clear and absolute! What we are, dear doctor... Dot : Is cute! YW+D : Mmmmwah! DrSns: I'm sorry I asked. =============================================== Lyrics from PIANO RAG (Episode 7) by Nicholas Hollander Yakko: 'Twas a guy named Joe from Kokomo Playing that piano rag Wakko: He banged the keys with his head and his knees Playing that piano rag Dot : He twiddled with his toes and he diddled with his nose Playing that piano rag YW+D : And when the day was done he had some fun Playing that piano rag! (applause) YW+D : He was playing that piano rag! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== Lyrics from WHEN RITA MET RUNT (Episode 7) by Sherri Stoner "Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be" Rita: What's a human good for, anyway? Runt: They pet you when they're sad Rita: They smack you when you're bad Runt: When you're hungry they definitely feed you. Rita: Yeah, on vacation they leave you with hardly no food. Ring a bell, dude? (Runt looks under dish and sighs) Rita: Exactly my point. Rita: Humans ain't what they seem to be They don't mean that much to me No, not much at all. When you're little and tiny They pet your cute hiney But then when you grow It's a simple no-show It's "shoo shoo off this" And "don't you dare scratch on that" If they call you at all It's always "dumb cat." Humans ain't what they seem to be They don't mean that much to me No, not much at all. But when it's all dark and quiet I try hard to fight it But I dream of home Then I won't have to roam Someone to feed me and put me to bed And scratch me just so on top of my head. But I ain't gonna love 'em Not gonna answer that call 'Cause humans don't mean that much to me No, not much at all. (bars fall away) Rita: Who knew? (Transcribed by Michael Russell and Sean Brandenburg) =============================================== WARNER'S LOT (Episode 8) Parody of "Gilligan's Island" Just listen up and you'll hear a tale A tale of the Warner three When on the water tower They did try to flee. They shot into the puffy clouds Some seeds to make it rain And rain it did, so much in fact The tower floated away, All around L.A. When the rain dried up The tower was aground On the Burbank lot The Warner Brothers then escaped With their sister Dot And they took off like a shot. Now they're being chased around The Warner studio By Scratchansniff And Hello Nurse The CEO Ralph the Guard Some movie stars The Professor and Mary Ann On the Warner's Lot! (Transcribed by O.G. Shofner) =============================================== Lyrics from THE BIG CANDY STORE (Episode 8) by Paul Rugg YW+D : The candyman's swell One look and you can tell That this nice man wears a toupee. Wakko: Please don't mind what I will now say I think that you should wear ... a beret! YW+D : Hey! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== Lyrics from BUMBIE'S MOM (Episode 8) by Sherri Stoner Bumbie, the dearest deer Deep in the darkest forest he grew. Bumbie, the dearest deer His mother the only friend he knew. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from WALLY LLAMA (Episode 9) by Paul Rugg YW+D: Llama llama llama Our question answer, please. When we hear the answer We promise that we'll leave. Hey! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from KING YAKKO (Episode 10) by Peter Hastings "The King" Guards: The king! PM : Good folk of Anvilania We welcome our new king So raise your hammers high And let the anvils ring. Chorus: We let the anvils ring Guards: To welcome our new king The king! --- "Let the Anvils Ring" Yakko : Let us introduce ourselves O people of this land Wakko : We are the Warner brothers Dot : With sister close at hand. Yakko : I bet you all are wondering Who is this young unknown? And why am I inheriting The Anvilanian throne? Men : Yes, why? Women : Yes, why? Crowd : Oh, please, please tell us why. Yakko : The bottom of the family tree Starts with Yakko; that is me. I'm the cousin to the sister Of son's niece's brother Of the uncle's daughter's father Of the nephew's sister's mother And my grandpa's only cousin Was the King's daughter's sibling, But they're all gone, Crowd : So that is why Yakko : I am now your king! Crowd : He is now our king! Yakko : Yes, I am now your king! Repeat what I just said! Crowd : Repeat what I just said! Yakko : And let the anvils ring! (Anvil Chorus plays) YW+D : Old King Yakko's mania (Anvils play "E-I-E-I-O") YW+D : Was for Anvilania! (Anvils play "E-I-E-I-O") Yakko : So good citizens, I pledge to you I'll do the best that I can do For honor, country and the king Let the anvils ring! Crowd : Let the anvils ring! Yakko : Let the anvils ring! Chorus: Let the anvils ring! --- "In Dear Old Anvilania" Yakko : In dear old Anvilania Everyone's our friend Dot : We want to meet you all Wakko : And shake you by the hend! (spoken) Hend, hend -- it rhymes! --- "Musical Chairs" (Pop Goes the Weasel) YW+D : You never know when we're gonna stop We might go on forever You could get sick waiting for us So we could stop-- --- "This Means War" Yakko : And so I stand corrected Not everyone's our friend Dot : The dicator, Wakko : He wants a war, YW+D : So our country will defend! Crowd : This means war, This means war, This means war! YW+D : Of course you know This means War... ...ners! --- "Anvilanian Anthem" (Parody of My Old Kentucky Home) D+W : Oh the anvils shine In my old Anvilanian home. --- "War Report" YW+D : We thank you all for your support And of the war, we now report Yakko : Our country had been threatened By a mean and crafty man Dot : He wanted all our anvils Wakko : And our country in the can. YW+D : We gathered up the bravest men But they all ran away Yakko : So Wakko, Dot, and I, the king Went off to earn our pay. Dot : The battle, it was fierce Yakko : But we rolled with the punch Y+D : The odds, they were against us Wakko : Six hours without lunch! YW+D : We fooled the old dictator And his castle was destroyed But we're not mean, and now with us He's gainfully employed. Umlatt: (spoken) This anvil was so big... Crowd : How big was it? (clang!) Umlatt: This big. Yakko : So now won't you join us For country and the king YW+D : Raise your hammers high And let the anvils ring! Men : Let the anvils ring! Crowd : Let the anvils ring! =============================================== Lyrics from NO PAIN, NO PAINTING (Episode 11) Music traditional (Frere Jacques). Lyrics by Peter Hastings. YW+D: Frere Warner Frere Warner What's that [?] (sounds like "smeen")? Keep it clean! Yakko is a yakker Wakko is a snacker! Dot's plain cute So's this boot! (Transcribed by David Moisan) =============================================== Lyrics from LES MISERANIMALS (Episode 11) by Deanna Oliver "Camenbert" (parody of Confrontation) Camenbert: Runt Valrunt, I'll track you down, I swear. No matter where you run, I will be there. I, Camenbert! --- "At the End of My Fork" (parody of At the End of The Day) Miserable Diner : At the end of my fork is an unknown food product! Tristesse : You miserable fool, that's a bit of sardine! Miserable Diner : If that's a sardine, then I'm the bloomin' May Queen. Chorus of Customers: Forgive us, sir, but your gourmet pies are obscene. We want protein! --- "Look at Rita" (parody of Lovely Ladies) Assigning cat names in order of appearance, as listed in the credits. (Kitty Dukockis?): Look at Rita, primping up her fur. (Cat Ballue?) : Thinks she's such a fancy one Just listen to her purr. (Kitty Litter?) : Arrogant Rita, oh so marvelous. All three : Haughty precious kitty, better than the rest of us. PU, girl, you're odoriferous! Kitten : Guess what I saw; I saw it with me own eyes. Monsieur Tristesse has no more meat for his pies. Believe it or not, he threw Fat Cat in a pot. Fat Cat escaped but if Tristesse has his way He'll make a Fat Cat souffle! Dukockis: No, not a cat! Kitten : It was Fat Cat. Ballue : It was a cat? Kitten : A kitty cat! All four: Oh, save us, God! We're living with a Sweeny Todd! Ballue : Give him Rita; Rita's nice and fat! Dukockis: Rita must be tasty, why, she's an aristocrat. All four: To the kitchen; throw her in a vat! (Rita roars) --- "Flat in Gay Paree" (parody of Castle on a Cloud) Rita: There is a flat in Gay Paree Safe on a tree-lined avenue No cats a la carte on the menu Not in my flat in Gay Paree. There is a chef of fine cuisine He is a vegetarian As he prepares a fine banquet He says, "Rita, you're my beloved pet." I know a flat where I can nap Safe on a chair or in a lap I won't end up in a recipe Not in my flat in Gay Paree. --- "I Am Definitely..." (parody of Who Am I?) Runt: I am definitely... I am definitely... I am definitely... Runt... Val... ...runt! Definitely! --- "Rita and Runt" (parody of Red and Black) Runt: Rita, glad I found you safe and sound. Rita: Runt, where the blazes have you been? Runt: Rita, doing straight time in Le Pound. Rita: Runt, get me out of this pen! --- "That Hole is Much Too Small" (parody of A Little Fall of Rain) Rita: Please don't be upset, Runt It hardly hurts at all But that hole is much too small To pull my body through. What were you thinking, you big buffoon? Don't worry; it's okay The pain will go away. He must have confused me for a cartoon. --- "Do You Hear the Poodles Bark?" (parody of Do You Hear the People Sing?) Poodles: Do you hear the poodles bark? Barking the barks of angry mutts. Runt : It is the high-pitched yap of pedigree dogs Whose mouths will not be shut. Poodles: We will break down the prison wall We will destroy the restaurant. We're revolting poodles following Runt Valrunt! --- "Dig Down" (parody of Look Down) Dogs : Dig down, dig deep, Les Miseranimals! Dig down, dig deep, to freedom through a tunnel! Dukockis: Dogs and cats shouldn't fraternize! Rita : Do you wanna end up in meat pies? Ballue : Rita's right; let's use our paws. Litter : I ain't gettin' dirt between me claws. Rita : (spoken) Get over yourself. Dogs and cats: Dig down, dig deep, Les Miseranimals! Dig down, dig deep, to freedom through a tunnel! --- "Bitten in Ze Butt" (parody of Master of the House) Tristesse: Bitten in ze butt Got an awful tear Took a little nibble from my derriere! I will get you in ze end, dog You'll regret you bit me, chum. Ooh, I am so irritated I got bitten in ze bum! --- "Camenbert and Runt" (parody of Confrontation) Camenbert: Valrunt, you cur, there's no escaping me! Ha ha, ho ho, ha ha ha ha hee hee-eee! Camenbert: Runt: You'll go back to the Pound. But I protest, I'm an innocent stray You'll go back. Confess, Camenbert, you know it's true. A dog like you I did not steal cannot run free, that bone, A dog like you. It was you. Runt: Toodleoo! --- "At the End of the Road" (parody of At the End of The Day) Rita: At the end of the road is the city of Paris. At the end of the road is the city of light. The city of romance, All : Where we can be merry and dance, And with any luck can all find shelter tonight. Vive la France! (Transcribed by C. David Tallman and Mark Hadley) =============================================== Lyrics from WEST SIDE PIGEONS (Episode 12) by Deanna Oliver "Goodfeathers" (parody of Jet Song) BP+S : Here come the Goodfeathers cooin' at you That no sparrow can perch on Scorsese's statue On our ever-lovin', beakin', buggin' Statue! Goodfeathers! --- "Carloota" (parody of Maria) Squit: Carloota! I just met a bird named Carloota. And please don't think me rude But I think I'd like to brood With Carloota! Carloota! Carloota! (swallowed by Crupkitty) Carloooooootaa!!! --- "Scorsese's Head" (parody of America) (FS = Female Sparrow(s), MS = Male Sparrows) FS : (spoken) We wanna stay here on the rooftop! MS : We don't! MS : We'd like to perch on Scorsese's head! Why can't we perch on Scorsese's head? Goodfeathers perch on Scorsese's head! Sparrows should perch on Scorsese's head! FS : On the rooftop we get lots of sunshine. MS : Don't want to perch on a clothesline! FS : Up here we have a boid's-eye view. MS : Humans drop food by the statue! FS : We'd like to perch on Scorsese's head! MS : Why can't we perch on Scorsese's head? Goodfeathers perch on Scorsese's head! All: We're gonna perch on Scorsese's head! --- "I Feel Feathery" (parody of I Feel Pretty) Bobby: (spoken) Hoo-Hoo! Look at Mr What-a-Difference-a-Day-Makes over here! Pesto: Heh heh! Spiffin' up for the rumble, Squit? Squit: No, I have a date with Carloota. There's no bird in the city like Carloota. Around her... Squit: I feal feathery Oh, so feathery All my plumage is standing up tall. I'm no peacock But that doesn't bother me at all. Squit: Who's that handsome squab in the mirror there? Pesto: What squab? Where? Who? Squit: Who can that attractive bird be? B+P : Which one? Where? Who? Squit: Oooooh... B+P : Chirp quack! Clonk cluck! Squit: It's... B+P : Chirp queek! Coo coo! Squit: Me! Squit: I feel feathery Oh, so feathery Like a fledgling, a soft downy dove. Oh, this pigeon, Handsome pigeon's All puffed up with love! --- "There's a Perch for You" (parody of There's a Place for Us) Bobby: (spoken) Forget about it, Squit. You're a Goodfeather, see? Bobby: And there's a perch for you On this statue, for you. B+P : Forget the chick 'cause she done you wrong Scorsese's head is where you belong! BP+S : Coo-coo! Coo-ooo! Coo-COOOOO! (statue crumbles) Bobby: (spoken) There's a statue of Coppola down the street. (Transcribed by "The Corinthian" and Will Bell) =============================================== Lyrics from HELLO NICE WARNERS (Episode 13) by Paul Rugg Parody of "The Sound of Music" Woman: The hills are quite full Of big rocks and boulders With igneous rock Sedimentary, too The hills are quite full Of big rocks and boulders... (YW+D burst through backdrop) (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") --- "Three Little Maids" from The Mikado Music and lyrics by Sir Arthur Sullivan. YW+D : Three little maids from school are we Pert as a schoolgirl well can be Filled to the brim with girlish glee-EE Three little maids from school. Dot : Everything is a source of fun Wakko: Nobody's safe 'cause we care for none Yakko: Life is a joke that has just begun YW+D : Three little maids from school! =============================================== HIP HIPPOS INTRODUCTION (Episode 13) Duet: The jungle was nice But way behind the times For two endangered hippos With hip and trendy minds So they flew their ranch rover To the city's neon glow Flavio and Marita The Hip Hippos! (Transcribed by the Corinthian) =============================================== Lyrics from LA BEHEMOTH (Episode 13) by Nicholas Hollander Music parodies a number of classical tunes. Marita: Flavio, Flavio, Flavio! Flavio: Marita, Marita, Marita! F+M : What shall we do? What will become of us two? The help is gone, the maid is through, What will become of us two? MaleTB: (spoken) Uh oh. Now who'll clean our cages? Marita: I'm calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper Flavio: She's calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper! Marita: A chambermaid, a gourmet chef, a trendy carpet sweeper Flavio: A chambermaid, a gourmet chef, a trendy carpet sweeper! Marita: (spoken) Why are you repeating everything that I am singing? Flavio: (sung) Why am I repeating everthing that you-- (spoken) I do not know. Marita: (into phone) Hello, hello, Marita Hippo here, I'm having an emergency My life is filled with urgency We need to hire servancy We need a new housekeeper! (spoken) But...but...oh, very well. Flavio: Marita, my poor wilting lily, what is the matter? Marita: They cannot send us a new maid until Monday morning. Flavio: Monday morning?! F+M : (sung) What shall we do? What will become of us two? Flavio: (spoken) Have no fear, Marita dear, I have a plan. Marita: Pray tell, Flavio! Flavio: (sung) I'll do the windows and push the vacuum Polish the parlor, scrub out the bathroom! (spoken) Ung! This is _hard_. Marita: I will not worry; I will not fear I'll do laundry until help is here, Fold the trousers and starch the shirts And I'll do laundry until it hurts! (spoken) Aie! This is really not so amusing! Flavio: Dinner is easy, simple like a dream Cleaning the chicken, scrubbing the beans! Add in two tablespoons into a pot, Stir fry until hot! (BOOM!) (spoken) Perhaps next time we take out Chinese. Tbirds: Poor little hippos, husband and wife, They haven't a clue; they haven't a life. A tragic conclusion; see how they cry, Poor hippopotami! F+M : What will we do? What will become of me and you? (doorbell rings, maid returns) Maid : (spoken) I forgot my featherduster. Flavio: (sung) We realize we've been wrong; we treated you unfair. How can we make it up and show you how we care? F+M : Come clean for us, Come clean for us, Come back and clean for us. We'll give you anything you ask, Just say you'll clean for us! Maid : (spoken) Oh, alright. F+M : (sung) She'll clean for us! She'll clean for us! She said she really will! A happy ending, everyone, She said she'll clean for us! MaleTB: (spoken) There's a twist -- an opera with a happy ending. (Transcribed by "The Corinthian" and Bill S. Preston) =============================================== Lyrics from CHALKBOARD BUNGLE (Episode 16) by Paul Rugg Yakko: School! Dot : School! Wakko: School! YW+D : Schoo-oo-oo-oo-ool! YW+D : Our first day at school We're eager little learners So fill our brains with lots of facts Our first day at school. Yakko: Teach! Dot : Teach! Wakko: Teach! YW+D : We're ready for our lessons So teach us Math, Geometry Don't forget Geography English Lit. and Chemestry And please throw in the A-B-C's. Oh, teacher, teach us nooooow! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN (Episode 17) by Paul Rugg "We'll Clean Your Flue for You" Y+W : We're the von Warner Brothers Dot : Und the von Warner Sister, too. YW+D: We're chimney sweeps extraordinaire We'll clean your flue for you! (Transcribed by Olivia D. Isaac) --- "Writin' Hooey" (parody of Makin' Whoopie) Dot: Another tune Another song But, old Beethoven Something's wrong. He's uninspired He's very tired He's writin' hooey. (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== Lyrics from THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE (Episode 17) by Nicholas Hollander "A Place Called Home" Rita: Somewhere I can hang my hat Somewhere for a dog and cat Somewhere, just imagine that We'll find a place called home. A place we've been searching for A place we've been waiting for So long we've been searching for So long, a place called home. They don't see us They'll never know But they could be us Like that [slaps water] Just like that. Out here in the shadow's end Out here is a promised land Out here we'll all understand And make this place our home This place our home. --- Rita: Out here in the shadow's end Out here is a promised land Out here as the day is long We'll find ourselves a home R+R : A place called home! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== CHICKEN BOO INTRODUCTION (2 Variations) Version 1 (Episode 18) Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys But you're not a man; you're a chicken, Boo. (Transcribed by Mark Hadley) --- Version 2 (Episode 78) Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You're jumbo-sized and you wear a disguise But you're not a man; you're a chicken, Boo. (at the end of the cartoon) He's jumbo-size and he wears a disguise But he's not a man; he is Chicken Boo. =============================================== Lyrics from NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH (Episode 18) by Deanna Oliver and Paul Rugg Czar: I really like Rasputin 'Cause I don't realize I only like Rasputin 'Cause I am hypnotized --- YW+D : If your little toothy's aching and you're low on dough Use the friendly credit dentist; call Doctor Yakko! Yakko: Se habla espan~ol! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN MIGRAINES AGO (Episode 21) by Gordon Bressack, Charles Howell IV and Paul Rugg YW+D: Lincoln, Lincoln, we've been thinkin' Would you, could you, think of inkin' We request on our behalf That you give your autograph! --- (To the Tiny Toon Adventures theme) Wakko: I'm lanky Dot : And frankly Yakko: This war has got me cranky YW+D : I'm proud to be a yankee How ya doin', Gettysburg? (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== WAKKO'S AMERICA (Episode 21) Music traditional (Turkey in the Straw). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Wakko: Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Indianapolis, Indiana And Columbus is the capital of Ohio There's Montgomery, Alabama, south of Helena, Montana Then there's Denver, Colorado, under Boise, Idaho. Texas has Austin, then we go north To Massachusetts' Boston, and Albany, New York Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington, D.C. Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Nashville, Tennessee. Elvis used to hang out there a lot, ya know. Trenton's in New Jersey, north of Jefferson, Missouri You got Richmond in Virginia; South Dakota has Pierre Harrisburg's in Pennsylvania and Augusta's up in Maine And here is Providence, Rhode Island, next to Dover, Delaware. Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall And Kansas has Topeka; Minnesota has St Paul. Juneau's in Alaska and there's Lincoln in Nebraska And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina and then There's Madison, Wisconsin, and Olympia in Washington Phoenix, Arizona, and Lansing, Michigan. Here's Honolulu; Hawaii's a joy Jackson, Mississippi, and Springfield, Illinois South Carolina with Columbia down the way And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay. They have wonderful clam chowder. Cheyenne is in Wyomin' and perhaps you make your home in Salt Lake City out in Utah, where the Buffalo roam Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Bismarck, North Dakota And you can live in Frankfort in your old Kentucky home. Salem in Oregon; from there we join Little Rock in Arkansas; Iowa's got Des Moines Sacramento, California; Oklahoma and its city Charleston, West Virginia, and Nevada, Carson City. That's all the capitals there are! =============================================== Lyrics from DAVY OMELETTE (Episode 21) by Deanna Oliver Orphaned in a swamp in Mississippi Raised by a cajun couple in a tipi The biggest papoose that you ever did see He was full grown when he was only three. Davy Davy Omelette Mighty large frontiersman! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU EAT (Episode 23) Music by Jacques Offenbach. Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Wakko: (spoken) Hey! Let's get some ice cream! Dot : How 'bout this one? Pistachio Almond Fruit Fudge Butterscotch Delight. Yakko: Ingredients: Zinc trisodium, aspartate, Sorbitol and bisulfate, Oxide beta carotene, Lactic acid, carob bean. (music begins) Yakko: Grade A milk emulsified Malto-dextrin alkalide Silicon deoxylite Lots of sugar, W+D : Hey, alright! Yakko: Calcified synthetic salt Artificial barley malt Glycerine and aspartate Folic acid, Wakko: That tastes great! YW+D : Monosodium glutamate Dehydrated calceinate Soybean oil, butter fat Caramel center, Wakko: I'll eat that! YW+D : Hooray for sugar, 'cause we love it Chocolate chips; we want more of it Cakes and ice cream; watch us shove it Down our throats real fast. Yakko: Here's a candy bar, you tried it? Wakko: Hey, let's all see what's inside it Yakko: Gelatinized triglycerin Phosphate, soybean, lecithin Deoxylite tri-silicon Dipped in chocolate, W+D : Bring it on! Yakko: Citrus enzymes, BHT Powdered milk, Dot : Sounds good to me! Yakko: Baking soda, carob gum Carbohydrates, W+D : Yummy yum! YW+D : Monosodium glutamate Zinc disodium algenate, Whole grain flour, yeast and fat Wakko: Time to eat it; I'll do that *YW+D: We like sweets a lot * So give us all you got * And we'll stuff 'em in our bodies * 'Til they make our insides rot. * - On the Animaniacs album, this verse is sung as follows: YW+D : We like sweets a lot But they make your insides rot So remember it's your body And the only one you've got. =============================================== Lyrics from HERCULE YAKKO (Episode 25) by Peter Hastings YW+D : We'll investigate Collaborate Red herrings we'll eliminate We'll solve this myst'ry for you! Wakko: Although we haven't got a clue! (Transcribed by Olivia D. Isaac) =============================================== RITA AND RUNT INTRODUCTION YW+D: Like Abbott and Costello Like Sonny and Cher Like Martin and Lewis They're a perfect pair. Like Laurel and Hardy Like Fontanne and Lunt They're perfectly mismatched They're Rita and Runt! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from HOME ON DE-NILE (Episode 25) by Stephen Hibbert "All Wrapped Up in Love" Rita: (spoken) Being a goddess ain't half bad. Rita: Oh, you kid You've got it made 'neath the great pyramid Gotta say I like this lifestyle Talkin' 'bout my home on the muddy Nile. Call me greedy But give me more; treat me like Queen Nefertiti Build me a palace fit for Ramses, too I bet you'd rather be me than you. Oh, I can't fuss No longer on a lonely exodus Gotta tell ya that I'm satisfied All wrapped up in love like I was mummified. All wrapped up in love... Bra doot da doot da doot doo dah... Like I was mummified! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from SIR YAKSALOT (Episode 26) by Paul Rugg Chorus: A happy place is Camelot We like to sing all day But we can't sing the movie score Or else they'll make us pay. --- Yakko: (spoken) Looks like it's just us against the dragon, Head to head, toe to toe... Grab your partner, do-si-do! (sung) Bow to your partners left and right Now grab his arms and fling him out of sight! Now promenade! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from MOBY OR NOT MOBY (Episode 28) Music traditional (What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?). Lyrics by John P. McCann. YW+D: Captain Ahab, you're a dummy Killing whales is really crummy Get a clue and don't be scummy Early in the morning. Ahab: No more singing; man the harpoon Moby Dick is mine; it's high noon Spear him now; on with the cartoon Early in the morning. Y+W : Stop your whaling; stop your moaning Pun intended; stop that groaning Don't kill whales, and start atoning Early in the morning. YW+D: Watch Star Trek IV or ask your teachers Whales are kind and lovely creatures They've got eyes and facial features Killing whales is stupid. (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== Lyrics from PHRANKEN-RUNT (Episode 29) by John P. McCann "Let's Try For Two" Rita: (spoken) I hate being wet. Runt: Yep, it's wet. It's definitely wet out here. Uh, I'm sorry I got us kicked out of that count guy's home. Rita: What was it with that bat fetish anyway? Runt: Don't know, but he hates Italian food; definitely hates garlic. Rita: If we find another house, just follow my lead: Rita: Let's try for two What's the sense of stopping now? Just me and you We're the pros with the know-how To get kicked out of every place We've ever set a paw. We're not through Let's try for two. "You Gotta Use Your Brain" Rita: Home ahoy! Told ya, boy! Follow my lead Watch my ploy Runt You gotta use your brain and think. Runt: Let's get fed! Rita: Give it a whirl. Runt: Hurts my head! Rita: Oh, Runt, you gotta use your brain. DrPh: Hot dog, check it out Santa sent me brains for Scout Come and stay with Aunty Glory Forever in my laboratory. Rita: Watch my stuff. Runt: Let's begin! Rita: Don't you bark or Runt: Track mud in? Rita: Hey, Runt, you just use your brain. Runt: Definit-- Definit-- Who me? Rita: You just use your brain. --- "I'm a Hands-On Kinda Girl" Runt: (spoken) What a nice human. She tied me to a little bed so I won't fall off when I take my nap. Sure wish Rita was here, definitely, definitely do. DrPh: Standing in the lab watching dials twirl You're lying on the slab; let me give it a whirl Let me open a valve; I'm a hands-on kinda girl. Soon you'll be better and raring to go I'll rule the world from here to Kokomo Call me insane; I'm a hands on kinda dame. Your cerebellum's great for my morale 'Cause I'll be taking over right from this locale Thanks a bunch, pal; I'm a hands on kinda gal. Cha-cha-cha. --- "Let's Try For Three" Rita: (spoken) Getting bounced from two homes in one night is a new record for us. Rita: Let's try for three What the sense of stopping now? Just you and me We're the pros with the know-how To get kicked out of every place We've ever set a paw Life's rent-free Let's try for three! Runt: (spoken) Good idea, Rita; let's try for three. Rita: Dogs. Go fig. (Transcribed by Michael Russell, Ron O'Dell and J.J. Nicholson) =============================================== Lyrics from HOT, BOTHERED AND BEDEVILED (Episode 30) by John P. McCann "You're in Hades Now" Chorus girls: You plunge into the fire and it's really hot You have to stay forever whether you like it or not Where the torment never ends You've got fiery brimstone and demons for friends You're in Hades now, for eternity Hope you're not too choosy 'bout your company! --- "I Hate the Government" Protest singer: Oh, I hate the government More than you hate me The government stole my goldfish And unplugged my TV. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) --- "Purgatory, Here We Come" (parody of California, Here I Come) YW+D : Purgatory, here we come So long hate and devil scum Yakko : Where fires will spire into the night W+D : Where boulders will smolder... YW+D : ...sizzling bright Yakko : The afterlife's cruel politics Charon: Sends us on the river Styx Yakko : At our feet flames take their licks YWD+C : Oh, Purgatory, here we come! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom and Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from MOON OVER MINERVA (Episode 30) by Nicholas Hollander Wilford: Be my love My turtle dove The pretty little mink I'm dreaming of. (Girls have an innate weakness for musicians!) My one and only sweetie pie... (SPLASH!) Minerva: (spoken) Hit the road, Jack! Wilford: Ain't she neat? (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from SKULLHEAD BONEYHANDS (Episode 30) Originally from Tiny Toon Adventures. YW+D: It's the Mr Skullhead Show Starring him: Mr Skullhead 'Cause it's his show that he has Mr Skullhead! --- YW+D: That's the Mr Skullhead show Starring him: Mr Skullhead And it's the end of the show that he has Mr Skullhead! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from O SILLY MIO (Episode 31) by Randy Rogel and Paul Rugg Parody of the Toreador Song from "Carmen" by Georges Bizet. Yakko: Darling, I love you With all my heart and soul Unfortunately You're too heavy to hold. You And I will live in splendid bliss Now give me a big kiss! Mwah! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from PUTTIN' ON THE BLITZ (Episode 31) by Nicholas Hollander Rita: Just look into my eyes Tell me what you see This looks more like Van Nuys Than Burbank to me. Just listen to the call Oh and ain't it sweet No matter how we fall We land on our feet. Oh you and I, we're like a masquerader Who travels incognito with a friend No matter where you go, you'll see me later I know we'll be together in the end. --- Rita: Don't leave it up to fate For the odds are slim Don't gamble with your life You can never win. We'll see her to the train Then we'll leave Warsaw After the child Is reconciled With her papa. --- Rita: You know, I should have my head examined The fact is, I could not go without you I'm fond of your slow wit and your bad hairdo We'll always be together, me and you. (Transcribed by Raymond Hom, Ron O'Dell and C. David Tallman) =============================================== THE PLANETS (Episode 32) Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Paul Rugg. Yakko: The closest to the Sun Is the planet Mercury Next the shrouded planet Venus Is as cloudy as can be. The Earth is next; we call it home Let's hope it stays that way And then there's Mars; it's really red What more can I say? The gassy planet Jupiter's As big as planets come Then there's Saturn with its mighty Rings made up of tiny crumbs. We travel on to Neptune That's a gassy, freezing ball And cold and tiny Pluto It's the furthest one of all. Yakko: (spoken) Well, there you go. That's our solar system. Wakko: You forgot Uranus. Yakko: Goodnight, everybody. =============================================== Lyrics from CLOWN AND OUT (Episode 34) by Nicholas Hollander and Paul Rugg "You'll Never Laugh Alone" (parody of You'll Never Walk Alone) Clown: When you want to scream Put away that frown And never be scared of a clown Laugh on Laugh on Laugh on and on and on You'll never laugh alone! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) --- "Nice and Chubby Baby" Clown: When the whippoorwill Whippoors in the wind The wind can whippoor back, Oh nice and chubby baby! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from BUBBA BO BOB BRAIN (Episode 34) by Sherri Stoner "Empty Hollow Head" (parody of Achy Breaky Heart) Willie Ray Cyprus: Don't tell my head My empty hollow head You know I wouldn't understand... --- "Telephone Repairman" (parody of Wichita Lineman) ? caricature: I am a telephone repairman From this area... --- "King of the World" Brain: I am a lab mouse I escaped from my cage Never had a job Never earned minimum wage But you will respect me -- YES! Once my plan is unfurled You will call me your leader I'll be King Of The World. (Transcribed by Steve Kramer) --- Parody of The Gambler Kenny Rogers caricature: You gotta know how to cut 'em Know how to shuffle Know how to deal the cards Before you play Fish with me. =============================================== Lyrics from ANIMANIACS STEW (Episode 35) YW+D: A dash of Pinky and the Brain A cup of Slappy Squirrel A tablespoon of Goodfeathers Add Rita, Runt, and swirl. We add a pinch of hippos Buttons and Mindy too Now top it off with Skippy Squirrel What's that make? Animaniacs stew! --- "Mindy and The Brain" YW+D: They're Mindy and The Brain Mindy and The Brain One's a small child And the other's ... The Brain. He uses his lobe To overthrow the globe She's whimsy They're Mindy and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. (end verse) YW+D: He's stinky They're Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. --- "Pinky and the Cat" YW+D : They're Pinky and the Cat Yes, Pinky and the Cat Her name is Rita He's a lab rat. Pinky: A mouse! YW+D : They live inside a cage Making less than minimum wage It's dinky They're Pinky and the Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat. (end verse) YW+D : She ate the rat 'Cause Rita is a cat, cat, cat, cat, cat. --- "We've Been Mixing Up the Scripts" (parody of I've Been Working on the Railroad) Dot : We've been mixing up the scripts Wakko: All the live-long show Yakko: Putting characters together Who normally wouldn't go. --- "We Found This Old Computer" YW+D: We found this old computer And then we fixed it up We threw in all the characters Now they're all mixed up. --- "Dotty the Squirrel" YW+S: She's the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world This short cartoon features Dotty the Squirrel. Dot : (spoken) The name's Dot. Call me Dotty and you die. YW+S: (sung) That's Dotty! Dot : (spoken) I warned you. [pulls bomb out of purse and throws it] --- Lyrics from "Baghdad Cafe" Y+W : We're the Warner Brothers We like to sing a lot Yakko : My name's Yakko Wakko : My name's Wakko Y+W : And here's our sister... Slappy: (spoken) Slappy. I'm the cute one. (pause) I don't get it. (end couplet) Y+W : Our story is over Its ending is happy Thanks to Yakko, Wakko And our sister... Slappy. Slappy: (spoken) Next time, I'm asking for script approval. (Transcribed by Paul J. Lee) =============================================== KATIE KA-BOOM INTRODUCTION (Episode 35) She's Katie Ka-Boom, Katie Ka-Boom She lives in a house with a garden in bloom Her family knows that anytime soon Their little lady Katie goes ka-boom. (Transcribed by Paul J. Lee) =============================================== Lyrics from THE THREE MUSKA-WARNERS (Episode 36) by Sherri Stoner "We're the Musketeers" YW+D : We're the musketeers And we're very proud to say That through the years In the face of danger We have run away But hey! That's OK What should you expect with this take-home pay? YW+D : We're the musketeers We drive a Chevrolet Swing on chandeliers And have thrilling swordfights Many times a day It may sound cliche But it was either this or sell Amway! YW+D : Now unclog those filthy dirty ears It's time to meet the musketeers! Dot : Musketeer roll call! Yakko: Yakkos! Wakko: Wakkos! Dot : Dotagnon! YW+D : Now we'll carve our initials in your rears 'Cause we are the three musketeers! --- "King's Lullaby" YW+D : Hush little King; please don't cry We're going to sing you a lullaby A big scary monster man is coming for you He'll gobble you up like chunky beef stew. Mmmwah! Goodnight! --- (later, they're guarding the king's room) Yakko: Hup two three four No one's getting in this door Five six seven eight Gonna ask Cindy Crawford for a date. (Transcribed by O.G. Shofner) =============================================== Lyrics from BOOT CAMPING (Episode 37) by Nicholas Hollander and John P. McCann "Drill Chant" SgtSw: Recruits smell, and that's no lie Hate your guts; gonna make you cry. Call me smart; call me inspired You're gonna march 'til I get tired. (later) SgtSw: I don't know, but I been told Army life is mighty bold. Every night before retreat Yakko: We order out for luncheon meat. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) --- "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" YWD+S: Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them ov'r your shoulder Like a continental soldier? Do your ears...hang...low? (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") ================================================ Lyrics from SPELL-BOUND (Episode 38) by John P. McCann Sung to the first two lines of Greensleeves. Pinky: I wish I were a windowsill So I could be a ...uh... um... Brain: An imbecile? Pinky: Odds bodkins! Good rhyme, Brain. Heh. Narf. --- Pinky: He conquered the world without effort or pain He's the boss; they call him ...er... call him... Brain: Brain? Pinky: Oh. Righto, Brain. Good one. --- Pinky: We're in the woods, all dark and inky To conquer the world go Brain and ...la la something... Brain: Pinky. Pinky: Oh. That fits. Narf. --- Pinky: We strolled right past a candy house Made of sweets that taste good to a... ooh... Brain: Mouse! --- Pinky: To find the dragon, all hot with steam We must cross this little ...brook? no, um, fjord? Brain: Stream. It rhymes with `steam'. Pinky: Oh. Right again, Brain. --- Pinky: The Murky Mountain's the end of the trail Soon we'll have a dragon's... uh, dra... Brain: Toenail. A red dragon's toenail. And once we possess it, Pinky, nothing will stand between us and total world domination. --- Pinky: We walked into the dragon's cave I was scared, but Brain was... was... uh... Brain: BRAVE! (echo, echo, echo) --- Pinky: Go, my dragon, to sleepyland It's dreamy time; here comes the sand ...um... sand boy? Brain: Sand Man, Pinky. Sand MAN! (echo echo echo) --- Pinky: Brain's the boss; he'll rule with ease He's number one, the big... um, the big banana? uh, coconut? um er... Brain: Big Cheese! It rhymes with `ease'. Big Cheese! *** poof *** --- Pinky: We'll try again to prove our worth Escape from the cage, and conquer the... guh... Brain: Earth, Pinky. Y'know, I've been thinking a lot about you and your music. Might I see that? Pinky: Sure, Brain. (WHAM!) Brain: That was very therapeutic. YW+D : One's a genius, the other's insane They're Pinky and The ...uh... Brain. ================================================ Lyrics from SMITTEN WITH KITTENS (Episode 39) by Deanna Oliver "Milk, Please, Mama" Kttns: Milk, milk Milk, milk Milk, please, Mama 'Xcuse our tune But we're gonna faint If we don't get food Milk, please, Mama Mama, please! --- "I'm Nobody's Mama" Rita : I'm nobody's mama Got no family I'm a career cat And my career is all about me. No one can tie me down I'm going places Straighten up Don't make those silly sad faces It's rude. Kttns: Mew? Rita : All right, I'll get food. Rita : I'm too independent They're so small How can I care for them? Do I care at all? I could never stand "Help me, Mama; Feed me, Mama Need me, Mama; Don't leave me, Mama." I'd never tolerate that. On the other hand, "Oh, my Mama; I love you, Mama I will never leave you, Mama." No! You've got the wrong cat! Rita : And did I mention They'll want too much attention I'll worry about 'em each day, every minute I gotta tell you my head isn't in it. I won't let my heart talk 'Cause it's ruled by my biological clock Which is ticking away. No way! I mean what I say! I'm a single cat stray! I'm nobody's mama! (Transcribed by John Payson, Olivia D. Isaac, David Rose and Ron O'Dell) ================================================ Lyrics from BROADCAST NUISANCE (Episode 41) by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV YW+D: We're from Sam & Ella's Coffee Shop Eat our food and you're bound to drop Then the only thing that's left to do Head to the potty and spew spew spew! Sam & Ella's! Dot : We're Beatrice. (Transcribed by O.G. Shofner) =============================================== GOODFEATHERS INTRODUCTION (Episode 41) Parody of That's Amore Voice : When the birds hit the street Looking for food to eat, That's Goodfeathers! Chorus: That's Goodfeathers! Voice : When I'm cooing at you And you're cooing at me, That's Goodfeathers! Take no guff 'Cause they're tough Strut their stuff No cream puffs, That's Goodfeathers! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian" and Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from OF NICE AND MEN (Episode 43) by Randy Rogel and Sherri Stoner "Monterey" Runt: (spoken) Uh, Rita? Rita, tell me again how it's gonna be. Rita: I already told ya, sixteen times. Runt: I wanna hear it again, yeah, d-definitely wanna hear it again. Rita: We can take care or ourselves We're independent, me and you. Runt: (spoken) That's true. Rita: (sung) We don't need any humans To tell us what to do. From now on we're livin' Where nobody can get in our way. Runt: (spoken) And, uh, where're we gonna be living? Rita: (sung) Monterey! Runt: (spoken) Oh, that's right, like, like the cheese. Rita: Monterey! Monterey! It's the California livin' With the sun and the surf And we'll never have to give in To another human master again. It's Cannery Row for dinner and then We'll sleep on the beach Where the sand is heaped up in piles. Runt: (spoken) Definitely a lot of sand. Rita: (sung) A litterbox for miles! Rita: You'll never have to fetch another slipper again No more having to pretend to be nice. We're finally free From now on we'll be With the sun and the sand And the thundering seas On the cliffs at the harbor With the cypress trees And the Fisherman's Wharf It's all there In Monterey! --- "Happy Bob's Bunny Ranch" Bob : Ba-dabba-dabba-lu-bum Ba-dada-doodle-lee-bum Ba-doodle-la-ba-doodle-y-bum Bob : Everybody gather around now Eat it up and gobble it down That's right! Eat yer food you'll all see Pretty soon you'll all be Nice and fat and furry and round. Bob : Look at this fur: ain't it purty? So soft and so shiny and sleek We take our time; don't rush it Clean and shine and brush it Every single day of the week. Bob : Tweedle-de-dee-ah-tweedle-de-doo Eat up all them carrots and plants If you want a furry rabbit C'mon down and grab it At Happy Bob's Bunny Ranch! Bob : (spoken) Hello, little lady! You're just what I need for my barn. Yer a lucky cat, all right. You get ta chase the rats! (tosses Rita into barn, slams door_ "Stereotypical View" Rita: This is great! This is perfect! It's always the same thing with cats There's always some ignorant human assumin' We like to chase rats. I'm gettin' real sick of this stereotypical view We can't be controlled and we hate to be told what to do. Rita: They misunderstand us; they can't command us We don't purr if we're not in the mood. Humans believe that the animals love them but All we want is their food. I don't need this job; I won't work for that slob anyhow I'm tellin' Runt that it's over; we're leavin' right now. --- "Bunny Bedtime" Runt: (yawn), definitely (yawn). Rbts: (yawn) Runt: Bedtime. Definitely bedtime. Runt: It's time to close your bunny eyes And rest your bunny heads Sleep all night through And I hope that you Won't wet your bunny beds. (spoken) Definitely don't wanna wet the bunny beds. Rita: [from doorway] Hey, it's a cartoon. What'd ya expect? Sondheim? (Transcribed by "The Corinthian," Matthew Ford, Steve Miller and Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from SURVEY LADIES (Episode 43) by Deanna Oliver and Sherri Stoner YW+D : In the mall, In the mall, In the glorious mall We'll find a birthday gift For Doctor Scratchansnifft. Yakko: (spoken) Don't you love it when we sing the plot? YW+D : Something nifty, Something thrifty, For our shrinkie, Scratchansniffty, In the mall! (Transcribed by Steve Miller by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== THE SENSES SONG (Episode 44) Music by Randy Rogel. Lyrics by Randy Rogel and Tom Ruegger. Yakko: The sense of sight Is what guides us right When we go out on walks. Wakko: The sense of smell's The way you tell That you need to change your socks. Dot : The sense of touch Is what hurts so much When you bang your toe on the bed. Yakko: The sense of hearing is something good 'Cause if a tree falls in the wood Would there be a sound? You bet there would If it landed on top of your head YW+D : Your head If a tree lands on top of your head! Wakko: The sense of taste Affects your waist Yakko: Which makes five senses in all. Dot : There's a sixth sense, too, but it's hard to explain It's a psychic connection inside of your brain So you can understand people like Shirley MacLaine Yakko: Who wear crystals they bought in the mall YW+D : The mall Who wear crystals they bought in the mall! Yakko: And now the other senses! Dot : There are scents you can smell Like cologne from Chanel Or the scents of expensive perfume. Yakko: There are scents of flowers We hope overpowers The kitty box next to your room. Phew! Wakko: There's a sense of pride You have deep down inside Yakko: When you practice a sense of fair play. Dot : There are dollars and cents that you pay at a toll Yakko: Or the census man who is taking a poll Wakko: And a sense of confusion; we're out of control YW+D : And they really should take us away Away They really should take us away! Dot : There's a sense of humor A sense of doom, or A sense of awe, sense of timing. Yakko: The sense of a word A sense of absurd Like trying to do all this rhyming! Dot : There's incense Wakko: And horse sense Yakko: And common sense, it's true. Dot : Sense of wonder, sense of beauty Wakko: Sense of honor, sense of duty Yakko: A sense of doubt, a sense of danger Dot : A sense of fear, when you meet a stranger Wakko: A sense of style, a sense of worth Yakko: A sense of direction for knowing the earth YW+D : A sense of dread as we're singing this song That it's starting to turn out completely all wrong And it's time that we end it because it's too long 'Cause it just doesn't make any sense Nonsense This song doesn't make any sense! =============================================== Lyrics from KIKI'S KITTEN (Episode 44) by Deanna Oliver Rita : Miiiao! Miao miao miao miao miao ao ao ao! Stomach's empty and I need to find food. Stray: This trash can belongs to me! Rita : Some stray cats can be so awfully rude. Trash is public property! Don't mess with me; I am in a bad mood. Both : Miiiao! Miao miao miao miao miao ao ao ao! Stray: Bye bye, kitten. Hope someday you find food. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) ================================================ MARY TYLER DOT (Episode 45) Lyrics by John P. McCann Parody of the theme to The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Who can turn the stove on with her smile? Who can take a bubble bath and suddenly fill it with crocodiles? 'Cause it's you, Dot, and you should know it Put nitro on a bridge; go ahead and blow it. Mud is all around; I guess it's spring Name another crooner, other than Bing Don't throw your hat up in the air 'Cause what might land is a Frigidaire. Dot! (Transcribed by Paul J. Lee) ================================================ Lyrics from VIDEO REVIEW (Episode 47) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Yakko: Hey, look at this store! Wakko: There's movies galore! Dot : We've seen 'em a thousand times over before YW+D : And that's why our brains don't work anymore! Yakko: "The Player" is a movie About finding fresh new scripts Like "Rambo 3"... And "Rocky 5"... And "Star Trek" Number 6. Dot : Eva joined with Zsa Zsa And they formed a "Sister Act" But both were "Unforgiven" Because neither one could act. Wakko: "The Hand That Rocked The Cradle" Once belonged to "Hook", you see But it got bored and so it joined "The Addams Family". Yakko: "Amadeus" was a genius "Beethoven" was a dog The "Muppet Family Christmas" Is about a pig and frog. Dot : There was a sled named Rosebud And a "Citizen" named "Kane" He rode it 'til the snow was melted Now he's "Singin' In The Rain". Wakko: The "Princess Bride" got married To the handsome "Prince Of Tides" Which now makes her dad, "The Fisher King", The "Father Of The Bride". YW+D : And pretty soon you'll find them all Inside the "TV Guide" Along with all the stars you like to see! Dot : Like Hitchcock and Spielberg and Oliver Stone Yakko: Shirley MacLaine and Sylvester Stallone. Wakko: Francis Ford Coppola, Hepburn, and Tracy Dot : Robert Zemeckis and Martin Scorcese. Yakko: Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Woody Allen, and Mia Wakko: Robert Deniro and Andy Garcia. Dot : Sophia Loren, Barbra Streisand, Joan Crawford Yakko: Paul Newman, Rock Hudson, Spike Lee, Peter Lawford. YW+D : Jack Nicholson, Brando, and Marilyn Monroe... And that's all the people we know! --- Cast : We're glad the dinosaur is gone He was an easy mark But if we ever miss him We can rent "Jurassic Park". So when it comes to clunkers Like "The Babe" or like "Presidio" YW+D : Don't pay $7.50 Just catch 'em on home video. As for us it's bye-bye time So long now, toodle-oo. We've had quite enough of this Cast : Video revue! ================================================ GOODBYE SONG (Episode 47) Lyrics by John P. McCann Parody of The Carol Burnett Show YW+D: We're so sad we've no more time together Just to drop an anvil on your head And stuff your pockets full of dynamite Then tie you to a rhino's head! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from MOBSTER MASH (Episode 48) by Nicholas Hollander "Italian Song" YW+D : Ravioli Pepperoni Tortellini And spumoni Funicello Mastroiani Toscanini Baked salami. Yakko: Minestrone Extra cheesy Dot : Fried scungili Wakko: Over easy YW+D : Muscantelli Apabeti Rigatoni And spaghetti. La la la la La la la la La la la la la, hey! --- "The Warner Waiter Two" Y+W : You called out for a waiter Here we are for you We'll serve you food much later We're the Warner Waiter Two! Dot : Don't order the fondue. --- "Sitting Here Before You" YW+D : Speak softly love and we will sing a serenade To fill your heart with gentle love while music plays Dot : The night is young Yakko: The day is through YW+D : And we were sitting here before you! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== LAKE TITICACA (Episode 48) Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. YW+D: Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca It's between Bolivia and Peru Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca With waters tranquil and blue. Oh Lake Titicaca, yes Lake Titicaca Why do we sing of its fame? Lake Titicaca, yes Lake Titicaca 'Cause we really like saying its name! Titicaca! (Transcribed by Raymond Hom) =============================================== Lyrics from ICEBREAKERS (Episode 48) by Nicholas Hollander "Florida" Rita: We're off to Florida to lie in the sun Enjoy my leisure time and have some fun Runt: Tallahassee! Rita: We're off to Florida where the smart people go We're off to Florida where the tropical breezes blow. Take me to Florida to play on the sand Sleep in the mangroves and eat off the land. --- "Cats Always Get the Short End of the Stick" Rita: They say a smile will do the trick With a little charm laid on thick But listen, folks: forget those strokes 'Cause cats always get the short end of the stick. --- "I'll Go It Alone" Rita: I'll take my chances and I'll go it alone Leave Runt behind me and be on my own Head to the tropics where summer's in season The sooner the better 'cause, man, my butt is freezin'! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from A CHRISTMAS PLOTZ (Episode 49) by Randy Rogel and Paul Rugg Christmas Past (answering the phone) Plotz: Hello? Wakko: Hiya, Plotzie! Plotz: Agh! What do you want? Wakko: I want you! Mwah! Wakko: I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past And all the folks that you've harassed They're glad that I am here at last 'Cause, Mister CEO, It's movie time; relax and see As we climb up your family tree And look at how you used to be Many years ago! (spoken) It's showtime! --- Christmas Present (opening a present) Plotz: Probably another fruitcake. Dot : Who you calling a fruitcake?! I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present! It's a pun -- get it? Dot : Thaddeus Plotz, you mean old man Causing pain wherever you can It's all about to hit the fan You greedy CEO. You're guilty in the first degree Of causing pain and misery Now it's time for you to see So hang on; here we go! --- Christmas Future Yakko: THADDEUS PLOTZ!!! Hello, I'll be your Ghost of Christmas Future this evening. Yakko: Relax! Chill out! Forget About Your cares! (spoken) This is a man who knows what he wants -- he's also a man NOBODY wants! Yakko: Come on It's time For you To climb These stairs! (spoken) You got a good head on your shoulders, Plotz -- too bad you haven't got a neck! Yakko: Show 'em what you can do Plotz: (spoken) This is stupid! Yakko: (sung) The Future is waiting for you Plotz: (spoken) Leave me alone! Yakko: (sung) Come on Plotz, 'Cause you've got lots To see before we're through! Girls: He's a dream Hear us scream His name: PLOTZ!!! Had no fun And he's the one to blame! Yakko: (spoken) Helloooo, nurses! Say, why don't you stop by the water tower and I'll show you my stamp collection! Girl : But Yakko, you don't have a stamp collection. Yakko: All right, then; you can open my mail. Girls: There's nothing he can't do! Yakko: (spoken) They're crazy about me! Girls: (sung) He's handsome; yes it's true! Yakko: (spoken) Let me know when those costumes get heavy! Rowrr! Y+Gs : (sung) Come on Plotz, 'Cause you've lots To see Be- fore We're Yakko: (spoken) You know what I like about you, Plotz? [nudge] Absolutely nothing! Plotz: (falling) AAAHHHHHHH!!! Y+Gs : (sung) Through!!! (Transcribed by Eric Walker and Bill S. Preston) =============================================== Lyrics from LITTLE DRUMMER WARNERS (Episode 49) by Earl Kress and Tom Ruegger YW+D: We three shepherds traveling far How we wish that we had a car, We cannot sleep 'Cause with the sheep We're following yonder star. [On with the original from here] (Transcribed by Olivia D. Isaac) ================================================ SLIPPIN' ON THE ICE (Episode 50) Parody of Singin' in the Rain YW+D: We're slippin' on the ice Just slippin' on the ice For a fabulous pratfall Just follow this advice Y+W : Let your feet take a flip Dot : I've broken my hip YW+D: We're slippin' and slidin' on the ice! Dot : (spoken) I've fallen and I can't get up. (Transcribed by Kevin J. Podsiadlik) ===================================================== 'TWAS THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS (Episode 50) by Randy Rogel and Tom Ruegger Slappy: Skippy! You should have been asleep hours ago. Skippy: I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep; I keep hearing Santa's sleigh. Slappy: Ah, that's just the LAPD choppers. Santy's not coming until you're asleep, kiddo, so get to bed. Skippy: But I'm not tired! Tell me a story, pleeease! Slappy: Ah, for the love of Al Gore... All right -- one story, then dreamland, OK? Skippy: Promise! Slappy: OK, let's see... Oh! You wanna hear about the time I stuffed live piranha down the pants of Sonny Tufts? Skippy: No! A Christmas story! Slappy: Sonny was drinking egg nog at the time...! Skippy: No, Aunt Slappy. Just read. Slappy: All right already, Mister Story Editor. Sheesh! [hawks] Skippy: Speeew! Slappy: Ahem. "The Day Before Christmas": Slappy: 'Twas the day before Christmas, in winter's deep freeze But in Burbank, L.A., it was ninety degrees. Now, tonight is the night Santa comes to the lot Bringing presents for Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. The kids were excited; they rushed to prepare But others looked on with a growing despair. Plotz : These gifts for the Warners, someone's got to see to it They must be delivered; I want you to do it. DrSns : But I did it last year, or have you forgot Those kids drove me bonkies, and kissed me a lot. They made me stay up singing carols all night And then I got creamed in that big pillow fight. Nurse : But why bring them presents, when Santa will do? Plotz : It's a clause in their contract: if we don't, they can sue. There must be a person who'll deliver this stuff But where can I find someone stupid enough? Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Costner; go ahead, pass on by Merry Christmas. Mindy : Okay, I love ya, bye-bye! Ralph : Good night, Mr. Hippo. Flavio: Good night to you, too Marita: Come along, Flavio; we've more shopping to do! Runt : I'm hungry. Rita : Be quiet! We don't want to get caught There might be some trash cans with food on the lot. Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Keaton; that's a lovely sedan Plotz : Give him a Santa suit! Ralph is our man! Yakko : So, 'twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Dot : Some creatures were stirring, Wakko : including a mouse. Brain : Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled We steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world! Pinky : Brain, you're a genius. You simply [whack!] astound me Brain : Aaaaaaaahhhh! Pinky : Narf! Brain's gonna pound me. Dot : The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed Wakko : In the hopes that old Santa would leave a big load! Yakko : Mwah! Goodnight everybody! Yakko : The children were nestled all fast in their beds Wakko : While visions of sugarplums danced in our heads. Wakko : [munch] Deee-licious! Yakko : We were all feeling tired when we turned out the light [click...] [...click] Forget it; there's no way I'm sleeping tonight. Dot : When out on the lot there arose such a rumble Yakko : We sprang from our beds Wakko : and we all took a tumble. Yakko : And what to our wondering eyes did we view...? Dot : But a cat and a dog in the garbage -- peyoo! Yakko : Then, to our surprise, we heard distant banters Of a miniature sleigh and eight pigeons with antlers. Pesto : I'm dying here, ooh! Squit : This sure ain't no fun Bobby : The guy in the suit, he must weigh a ton! Dot : With a little old driver so lively and quick Wakko : We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! Ralph : Duh, now Bobby, now Squit, now Pesto, now Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Richard and Nixon! To the top of the tower, come on now, let's fly! Pesto : I just got a hernia thanks to this guy! Yakko : So up to the rooftop, Santa was hurled! Brain : As soon as it lands, we'll take over the world! [wham, stomp] Pinky, I am in considerable pain Pinky : Narf! Zort! Poit! Gat! I'm with you, Brain. Yakko : It was a time of excitement; the moment drew near Dot : There was no doubt about it; Wakko : Santa was here! Squit : Your antlers look cute, Pesto. Pesto : All right, that's it! [fights] Bobby : Ho, Pesto, it's Christmas; quit whackin' on Squit! Yakko : And while the pigeons with antlers were having their kicks Santa fell through the roof like a sack full of bricks. Dot : He was dressed all in fur, with a glaze in his eyes 'Cause the fall knocked him silly. Ralph : Uh, Happy Easter, you guys! Wakko : His face, how it twinkled! His dimples, how merry! Dot : His cheeks were like roses. Yakko : His gut, that was scary. Wakko : He spoke not a word, but instead went right to it He emptied his bag. Ralph : Uh, that ought to do it! Yakko : Then laying a finger inside of his nose Yakko : Which the dear network censor finds totally gross. Wakko : Lumbering, up the tree trunk he rose! Dot : He sprang to his sleigh, and signalled the flock Ralph : Duh, giddyup birdies! Yakko : Then they dropped like a rock. Wakko : And we heard him exclaim, from up high in the sky Santa : Season's greetings to all! Yakko : And we saw him fly by. Runt : Thanks Santa! Rita : We mean it! Runt : Yeah, thanks a whole lot! Santa : And Merry Christmas to Yakko, Wakko, and Dot! Skippy: And Merry Christmas, Aunt Slappy, and to you girls and boys As for me...[yawn]...I'm going downstairs to open my toys!!! (Transcribed by Kevin J. Podsiadlik) =============================================== Lyrics from JINGLE BOO (Episode 50) by Deanna Oliver Santa: Ho ho ho, Chicken Boo! Just this once, because it's Christmas We're giving you a happy ending. Elves: Dashing through the snow With a chicken in a sleigh O'er the fields we go Clucking all the way! Cluck cluck cluck! Bells on chicken feet ring Making spirits bright What fun it is to ride and sing A chicken song tonight! Jingle Boo Jingle Boo Jingle Boo away! Oh what fun It is to ride With a chicken in a sleigh! Boo : Puh-kok! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== BRANIMANIACS (Episode 51) Slappy: 'Morning, Skippy! Skippy: Hi, Aunt Slappy! What's for breakfast? Slappy: A brand-new cereal from Smellog's -- Branimaniacs! Skippy: Wow! We're on the box! Slappy: That's right, kiddo! Skippy: Do we get paid for that? Slappy: You don't. But just look at what's inside! Branimaniacs is chock filled with tasty bran, crunchy fiber, natural roughage, and tiny sugar cubes shaped like my head. It's an important part of this balanced breakfast. So dig in, Skippy! Skippy: You bet! (crunch) Slappy: And remember to start your day with Branimaniacs for that get-up- and-go feeling! (crunch) (blork) (bublork) Skippy: I gotta get up and go. Slappy: I'll race ya. (Cut to YW+D in front of a Branimaniacs box) YW+D : It's Branimaniacs Nutritionally, it lacks But this cereal attacks All of your digestive tracts It's Branimanie Slappy: My stomach's in pain-y YW+D : Branimaniacs! (Transcribed by P.J.Remner) =============================================== Lyrics and banter from THE WARNERS AND THE BEANSTALK (Episode 51) by Deanna Oliver Harp: Free me Free me Won't you rescue me? The giant sleeps Before he wakes Come in and rescue me! --- Giant: Pee pie pooka plot I smell Yakko, Wakko and Dot! Yakko: Don't you mean "Fee fie fo fum"? Giant: Yeah, but it don't rhymes with `Dot'. Dot : You know, you really should pluck those unsightly nose hairs. [pluck!] Giant: Ow! Ah, that smarted me! Yakko: I doubt it. Giant: Now I's gonna eat you teeny-weenies. Yakko: Eat us? Dot : You don't want to eat us. Wakko: We taste awful. YW+D : Bleah! Yakko: Hmm. [conference] We know what you want! Giant: You does? YW+D : Uh huh! [the meal is prepared] Yakko: I'm sure you'll love this Have a seat Here's your meal Gold eggs and meat! Giant: I does not like gold eggs and meat It's you who I would like to eat. Yakko: Would you like them a la mode? Wakko: Would you like them with a toad? Giant: I would not like them a la mode I would not like them with a toad. I does not like gold eggs and meat It's you who I would like to eat. Wakko: Would you eat them with a cod? Yakko: Holding up a metal rod? Giant: I woulds not eat them with a cod Holding up a metal rod! [zap!] I does not like gold eggs and meat It's you who I would like to eat. Dot : How 'bout with a dash of salt Yakko: On the San Andreas Fault? [rumble!] Giant: No, not with a dash of salt On the San Andreas Fault. [rumble!] I does not like gold eggs and meat It's you who I would like to eat. Wakko: Would you, could you, in Japan Yakko: With Godzilla and Rodan? Giant: I would not, could not, in Japan With Godzilla and Rodan. [foom! whack! ... thud!] I will not eat gold eggs and meat It's... YW+D : ...us that you would like to eat. Yakko: Eat them, eat them, on a cloud. Giant: Oh, all right, for cryin' out loud! [munch!] Mmm! Gold eggs and meat I do not hate! Yakko: But now those clouds won't hold your weight. Giant: Gee, I never thought about that. [...thud!] Fee fie fo fum I fall down and hurt my bum. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from FRONTIER SLAPPY (Episode 51) by John P. McCann Daniel Boone was a great big guy Yes, a really big guy He knocks down trees And frightens off bees So they'll cry. --- Daniel Boone saw a great big tree An attractive tree But he didn't know It was home to a squirrel Named Slappy. --- Daniel Boone had a great big plan Yes a very large plan He'd fix that squirrel By yankin' her tree house From the land. --- Daniel Boone had another big plan Yes, a crafty plan... (DB): Shhh! --- Daniel Boone was very very sore Yes, painfully sore He picked up a log And charged Slappy Squirrel's front door. --- Daniel Boone was a big dang bird Yes, a really big bird But he didn't know That his disguise Was pretty absurd. --- Daniel Boone was a great big guy Yes, a big sick guy He lost his lunch All over The trees and sky. --- Daniel Boone was a great big jerk Yes, a stupid jerk He had another dumb plan That more than Likely wouldn't work. --- Slappy Squirrel was a grand old dame Yes, a very old dame She whipped Daniel Boone Now she pays us To sing of her fame. (Transcribed by Michael J. Farren) =============================================== THE BRAVE LITTLE TRAILER (Episode 52) by Tom Minton Voice: And now, the story of the Brave Little Trailer. There was a little trailer who lived in a court That got trashed by tornadoes whose tempers were short. The losers got fed to the monster next door -- A steam shovel who loved to eat trailers galore. But the Brave Little Trailer ducked out of the way And lived to fight twisters on some other day. And so this is what the Brave Little Trailer would say: BLT : Those cyclones may think that I'm weaker and frailer, But they'll never smoosh me; I'm a smart little trailer. Voice: For no matter how big or how long or how scary, No twister could touch him. BLT : I'm simply too wary. Voice: So the years came and went, and, with them, much thunder. But, where tornadoes failed, time had stepped in to plunder. The Brave Little Trailer was older, and dusty. BLT : My wheels are worn out and my axle is rusty. Voice: The new trailers had high-tech features and polish, BLT : Which you know the next twister is gonna demolish. Voice: His neighbors, all newer, more modern and sleeker, Said: N1 : This guy's making our neighborhood weaker. N2 : Why, he's driving down values and looks totally spent. N3 : The scrap heap is where he ought to be sent. Voice: So, for the Brave Little Trailer, that was a wrap. He was sent to the junkyard, and there sold for scrap. The steam shovel licked its steel chops with glee At the sight of its dinner. BLT : The main course is me. Voice: When, all of a sudden, ripping down from the sky, Came the mother of cyclones, BLT : stopping by to say hi. Voice: The high-tech trailers shut their windows all tight And stood there unmoving -- an arrogant sight. N1 : With our new weather radar, there is no delay Ascertaining that doom is now heading this way. Voice: Indeed, this was our hero's big moment of truth. BLT : Too bad that I'm here and not in Duluth. Voice: But now the Brave Little Trailer had his craftiest plot. BLT : Frankly, I was thinking of just crying a lot. Voice: But instead, he slapped the shovel square in the face, Which sent the two rivals into a chase. Our hero moved swiftly, avoiding the clench BLT : Of the shovel, who angrily dug a deep trench. Voice: Soon, the steam shovel's trench became a big crater. BLT : Pay attention to this; there's a quiz on it later. Voice: And now our small old hero led the chase under ground, Where all you could hear was a fierce crunching sound. Then, suddenly, up into view from below, Popped our own Little Trailer. BLT : That shovel's a schmoe. Voice: He lept in the air to taunt the big bruiser, And the thug took the bait, to wind up the loser In a squareoff that pulled him into the funnel, BLT : And there's no light at the end of that tunnel! Voice: The steam shovel flew, then fell all apart, And everyone knew: BLT : Now that's gonna smart. Voice: Now half of the twister's foul work was all done, But what's this? That little guy spoiled all his fun. Cyclo: Hold it, pipsqueak! Voice: the cyclone did bellow, And things sure looked bleak for our poor little fellow. But the trailer worked quickly, and, without delay, He pushed all his neighbors right out of harm's way. Then our hero called up, from his simple dirt dome: BLT : Ah, go chase your tail! There's no place like home. Voice: The big twister bounded, as all cyclones do, BLT : But under ground's the one place those guys can't get to. Voice: The new, high-tech trailers were now safe from the wrath Of the twister, who dropped all it had in its path 'Til it played out its rage, and wore down to a level Where our hero stomped out the annoying dust devil. BLT : You can call me a wise guy, a cranky old grump, But when it comes to tornadoes -- heh! -- I'm nobody's chump. Voice: And that's a story all little trailers should know. LTs : Goodnight, Gramps! Voice: Goodnight, kids. Now I gotta go Up to the roof. It's a quarter to nine -- Time for an old pal to turn on my sign. We two are old friends now. We share in the work. But I don't pay him much, 'cause he's still a big jerk. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== I'M CUTE (Episode 53) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Dot : I'm cute, yes it's true I really can't help it But what can I do? When you're cute, it just shows With these two darling eyes and this cute little nose And a pretty pink dress that's adorable, yes And when they see my dimples then everyone says: Crowd: Oh shoot! Isn't she cute! Y+W : Cute, cute Oh, isn't she cute, cute, cute Dot : I'm the one they adore I'm sweet and I'm cuddly And small just like Dudley but more It's a chore To be constantly cute And enchanting to boot When my lip's sticking out In that cute little pout Then there just is no doubt Why the guys like to shout: Y+W : She's a beaut! Dot : Let's face it, I'm cute! Y+W : Cute, cute Oh, baby, she's cute, cute, cute Dot : Being cute's a thing you can't hide If you look up the word in a book There's my picture inside! "TV Guide" Has me on the cover Y+W : Don'cha just love 'er? Dot : I'm simply a goddess Y+W : And isn't she modest? Dot : I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit For "Who's the most cute?" Y+W : Cute, cute Oh, isn't she cute, cute, cute Dot : I'm cute and I'm sweet And I'm innocent, neat And so trusting Y+W : If you want our opinion this song is becoming disgusting Dot : I'm cute Y+W : So what! Dot : I never am vain Yakko: She's becoming a pain in the... Dot : But I'm also real nice I'm a doll through and through Y+W : So big whoop-de-do Dot : I'm sweet and adoring Y+W : And also real boring And that's why we're snoring at you. Dot : That's it! You've ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I am enraged! I have had it! Yakko: You're awfully cute when you're angry. Dot : You really think so? Y+W : A babba dabba dabba doo wah! She's cute! =============================================== Lyrics from MEET MINERVA (Episode 54) by Sherri Stoner Minerva: It's not pretty being me Just try it and you'll see It's harder than you think To be a gorgeous mink La da da da, da da dee It's not pretty being me. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from GOLD RUSH (Episode 55) by Randy Rogel 2 Cowboys: Ohhh, hear the crickets and the froggies Get along, ya little dogeys Horses : A-gip-I-yo-a-gip-I-yea! Cowboy 3 : Iiii love a-ridin' on the ranges 2 Cowboys: Hear the crickets and the froggies Cowboy 3 : Out here where nothin' ever changes 2 Cowboys: Get along, ya little dogeys Horses : A-gip-I-yo-a-gip-I-yea! 3 Cowboys: It's peaceful and pretty You can keep the city Just give me lots of land and fresh air. Don't want a lot of faces Just wide-open spaces Where nobody's rich, but who cares? 3 Cowboys: Ohhh, hear the crickets and the froggies Get along, ya little dogeys FatCowboy: Look, I found a piece of gold Other2CBs: Yup, he found a piece of gold FatCowboy: Yup, I found a piece of... 3 Cowboys: GOLD!!! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== DOT'S QUIET TIME (Episode 55) Music by Richard Stone and Julie Bernstein. Lyrics by Nicholas Hollander. Dot: I love cheap romance horror thriller novels. [BOOM!] Dot: Quiet! [CRASH!] Dot: All I want is quiet No reason to deny it I can't take that riot Quiet! Quiet!! QUIET!!! Let me clarify it The noise I can't defy it I simply will not buy it Give me quiet! Quiet!! QUIET!!! Now to nullify it I just won't stand by it It's time now to bye-bye it I want quiet! Quiet!! QUIET!!! [Moo! Crunch! Chew! Whoot-whoot! Cricket-cricket!] Dot: I want quiet, quiet, quiet! This urge, I can't deny it, To find some peace and quiet, I'll search both low and high; It Must be quiet! Quiet!! QUIET!!! [Scotland, bagpipes disturb her] Dot: Quiet!!! [Paris, France, in the cathedral of Notre Dame] Dot: (spoken) Ahhhh. Such peace, such joy. [Bells disturb her] Dot: Quiet!!! [Pisa, Italy. Leaning Tower falls over, disturbing her] [Map of Africa. Elephants stampede through map] Dot: I said quiet! Quiet!! QUIET!!! [Desert island, turns out to be volcanic] [Nepal, high on mountain top] Dot: (spoken) Yoo-hooooo (Yoo-hooooo...yoo-hooooo) Ahh. Hmm. Gee, it's so quiet. Too quiet. Terribly quiet. Awfully quiet. AAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH! (AAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH! AAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!) Dot: I thought I wanted quiet I thought I could apply it But now that I have tried it... I'm sick and tired of quiet! [Pulls out boom-box and plays rock version of Animaniacs Theme] Dot: Hee hee hee hee! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== ANIMANIACS FRENCH THEME (Episode 56) YW+D: Voici l'heure des Animaniacs On a disjoncte a max Soyez cool; soyez relax Sur le rire pas de taxe On est les Animaniacs Y+W : Nous c'est Yakko et Wakko (1) Dot : Je suis Dot leur petite soeur YW+D: Pour egayer le studio on a joue les agitateurs Comme ca n'a pas beaucoup plu Ils ont boucle les Warners On s'est enfui et nous voici pour votre plus grand bonheur On est les Animaniacs Dot vous charme; Yakko s'eclaxe (+) Wakko est super-voraxe (+) Et Bill Clinton joue du sax' On est les Animaniacs! Y'a Minus et Cortex Qui veulent diriger l'Univers Les pigeons font du zele Rififi pique une crise de nerf Toubeau poursuit Mindy Rita declame des vers Les auteurs flippent, on jette leur scripts et ca les desespere Cast: On est les Animaniacs On a signe des contraxes (+) Nos folies vous desaxent Suivez nous pour faire des frasques Les Animani Qui sement la zizanie Dot : Qui ont des droles de manie (*) Cast: Aniii-manii-acs! On s'marre a max (*) This line changes every show in France, but the one listed is what Episode 56 has. Notes from Jean Philippe Matton: (+) Words "eclaxe", "voraxe" and "contraxes" don't exist; real words are "s'eclate", "vorace" and "contrats", they have been changed to sound like Animaniacs. "Y'a" = abbreviation for "il y a" = There is (are). (1) "Nous c'est Yakko et Wakko" Yes, this line is quite special. It's spoken French but it's not an error. It's a repetitive structure, sort of insistent turn of phrase. Correct French : "Nous sommes Yakko et Wakko" = We are Yakko and Wakko Spoken French : "Nous, c'est [se] Yakko et Wakko" = Us, We are Yakko and Wakko (Mmm, meaningless I suppose) I write a comma because there's no relation between "Nous" and "c'est". In the same way, young children often say "Moi, je suis plus fort, nanana!!" "Moi" and "Je" designates the same person; it's redundant. Translation: It's time for Animaniacs We're disjointed (slang for crazy) to the max Be cool, be relaxed On laughter there's no tax We're Animaniacs We're Yakko and Wakko I'm Dot, their little sister To cheer up the studio, we played the part of troublemakers Because it wasn't liked They locked up the Warners We ran away and here we are for your greatest happiness We're Animaniacs Dot charms you; Yakko bursts (out laughing) Wakko is super-voracious And Bill Clinton plays the sax We're Animaniacs! There are Minus and Cortex Who want to run the Universe The pigeons are overzealous Rififi has a fit of pique Toubeau pursues Mindy Rita declaims a verse The authors flipped, we tossed their scripts and it's hopeless We're Animaniacs We've signed contracts Our madness makes you disordered Follow us on our escapades Animani Who sow discord Who have manic humor (?) [Better translation, please!] Animaniacs We're laughing to the max (Transcribed and translated by Jean Philippe Matton, Mike Farren, Ron O'Dell and Brendan Dunn) =============================================== SCHNITZELBANK (Episode 56) Music traditional (Schnitzelbank). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Otto : Ist das nicht ein piece of chalk? YW+D : Ja das ist ein piece of chalk. Otto : Ist das nicht ein key and lock? YW+D : Ja das ist ein key and lock. YWD+O: Piece of chalk, key and lock Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Yakko: Are we having fun yet? Otto : Ist das nicht ein cuckoo clock? YW+D : Ja das ist ein cuckoo clock. Otto : Does it nicht go tick tick tock? YW+D : Ja it does go tick tick tock. YWD+O: Cuckoo clock, tick tick tock Piece of chalk, key and lock Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Otto : You see, it's a very easy song. Would you like to try? Yakko: Oh, gee, professor, that'd be great! What should I sing about? Otto : Anything that you want. The secret is to just have fun, okay? Yakko: Okay! Yakko: Ist das nicht ein piece of bread? WD+O : Ja das ist ein piece of bread. Yakko: Does it fit in Wakko's head? WD+O : Ja it fits in Wakko's head. Yakko: Piece of bread, Wakko's head YWD+O: Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Dot : Here, let me try! Dot : Is he not a cute man this? Y+W : Ja he is a cute man this. Dot : Is this not a great big kiss? Mmmwah! Y+W : Ja das ist ein great big kiss. YW+D : Cute man this, great big kiss Piece of bread, Wakko's head YWD+O: Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Wakko: Here, I've got one! Wakko: Is das nicht Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer? Y+D : Ja das ist Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer. Wakko: Ist das nicht ein incredibly long name to have to try and say? Y+D : Ja das ist ein incredibly long name to have to try and say. YW+D : Cute man this, Great big kiss Piece of bread, Wakko's head YWD+O: Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Otto : Hey, you kids is pretty good! Yakko: We're just gettin' warmed up! Yakko: Is das nicht ein Otto's gut? WD+O : Ja dis ist ein Otto's gut. Yakko: Ist das nicht ein Otto's butt? WD+O : Ja das ist ein Otto's butt. YWD+O: Otto's gut, Otto's butt Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Otto : Okay, I think we're done now, ja? Wakko: Wait! Wakko: Ist das nicht ein pair of pants? Y+D : Ja das ist ein pair of pants. Wakko: Ist das underwear from France? Y+D : Ja dat's underwear from France. YW+D : Pair of pants, shorts from France Otto's gut, Otto's butt YW+D : Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! Dot : Ist das nicht ein hairy chest? Y+W : Ja das ist ein hairy chest. Dot : Is this man no longer dressed? Y+W : Ja this man's no longer dressed. YW+D : Hairy chest, he's not dressed Pair of pants, shorts from France Otto's gut, Otto's butt Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Oh, du schoene Schnitzelbank! =============================================== Lyrics from OF COURSE YOU KNOW, THIS MEANS WARNERS (Episode 57) by Tom Minton YW+D : Over hill Over dale Through the sleet and slush and hail On the homefront, we're marching along. Yakko : Give me junk Wakko : Give me scrap YW+D : Or we'll sit right in your lap On the homefront, we're marching along. YW+D : For it's stuff we need In this fight for victory Uncle Sam sure needs it; are we wrong? Soldiers: No sir! YW+D : With your help we'll see A stunning victory From the homefront, we're marching along (Transcribed by Raymond Hom and Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from UP A TREE (Episode 57) by Deanna Oliver "Chicago" Runt : There goes the train. Wake up, Rita. Rita : Are we in Chicago? Runt : No, it's, it's Nebraska, definitely Nebraska. Or Kansas. Definitely Ohio. Rita : Ya blew it, Runt. Runt : You're just cranky 'cause I woke ya up from your nap. Rita : I am not cranky! Runt : You'll definitely like Nebraska, Rita. We'll live on a farm. Farm folk are friendly. Definitely, definitely, friendly. W-what's so great about Chicago, anyway? Rita : Are you serious? Rita : The Sears Tower, the North lakeshore The Loop downtown, meat packers galore The magnificent mile and the elevated train Deep-dish pizza and the Stock Exchange. Runt : But it ain't got, what we got: corn. Rita : Michigan Avenue, Frank Lloyd Wright Wrigley Field and dancing all night Oprah Winfrey, Lake Michigan Muddy Water blues, and Michael Jordan. Runt : But it ain't got, what we got: corn. Rita : Just to be fair, I wanna ask ya: What's so great about Nebraska? Runt : It's... da... Corn! Definitely the corn. (Transcribed by Mollie Carson-Vollath and "The Corinthian") --- "Up a Tree" Runt : Rita, you need help? Rita : No, no, no. I'm happy as a pig come to supper. Runt : Okay, Rita, have fun. I gotta get the fly! Rita : Wait! I...can't...get down. Rita : I'm dizzy, in a tizzy I am acrophobic. Muddled, befuddled I think I'm going to be sick. In a spin so unlucky I can't stand heights. Somebody look at me I'm helpless as a kitten up a tree. Birds: (giggle) Rita : Giddy, tiddly I'm hyperventilating. Whirling, twirling This is humiliating. Reeling 'round I can't swallow My mouth is dry. I hate this vertigo Oh, how I wish I was in Chicago. Birds: (giggle) Rita : (spoken) Well, as long as I'm up here, let's do lunch. Whoa! Nevermind! "Fraidy Cat" Birds: 'Fraidy cat, 'fraidy cat Streak of yelly down your belly Cowardly cat! Ho-o-o-ow absurdy Too sca-a-a-red to nab a birdy 'Fraidy cat, 'fraidy cat! Rita : (spoken) I'm not afraid. I'm just a little cranky! --- "Is This My Destiny?" Maw : Yep. Might as well resign yourself, Pepper Pot. 'Gonna spend the rest of your life up here. Dog : *woof woof woof* Maw : It's not so bad really, once you get used to it. Rita : Why not live up a tree? To jump is too risky Won't even try. Is this my destiny? (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== Lyrics from WOODSTOCK SLAPPY (Episode 59) by John P. McCann and Tom Ruegger Parody of "Feel Like I'm Fixin' To Die Rag" a.k.a. "What're We Fightin' For?" Caricature of Country Joe MacDonald: And it's two, four, six What'm I singin' for? Don't ask me; I don't give a hoot Just pay me with lots o' loot. And it's eight, ten, twelve I'm just killin' time My contract says to sing a song Yee haw! I made a rhyme! --- Parody of "Brand-New Key" Caricature of Melanie: Who's got a box of brand-new crackers? I've got some brand-new cheese! --- Parody of "With a Little Help From My Friends" Caricature of Joe Cocker: Would you still cheer if I had a tin ear? Would you throw a tomato at me? --- Parody of "Feel Me" from Tommy Caricature of Roger Daltry with The Who: Can you watch me? Can you listen to me? Can you smell me? Can you hear me? --- Slappy's Polka Uncle Yasha lost his shoe It fell in a bog; he did too. Uncle Schmeeda grabbed his foot He jumped in the bog and went kaput. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from KARAOKE-DOKIE (Episode 60) by Peter Hastings Sung to "I've Been Working On The Railroad" DrSns: Tell me all about your feelings It's how I earn my pay. I will analyze your problems Und help them go away. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from CRANIAL CRUSADER (Episode 60) by Tom Minton JBN: You're welcome to take over the world, as soon as I blow it up! JBN: Oh, I'm Johnny Badnote Arch-fiend, felon, slime. The public didn't like my songs And so I turned to crime! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from BALONEY AND KIDS (Episode 61) by Peter Hastings Kids : Baloney is our friendly friend That we made up ourselves He likes to play and sing all day That we made up ourselves --- "The Imagine Song" Baloney: `I' is for `Imagine' `M' is for `Me' `A' is for the letter `A' `G' is for `Gee' `I' is for ... `Imagine' `N' is for `Nice' `E' is for `Egad, I said "imagine" twice!' --- Baloney: I hold up a mask Lingy-lingy-loo You guess who I am Lingy-lingy-loo --- "The Anvil Song" Yakko : An anvil's black and shiny Dot : It's very heavy too Wakko : So watch out, my chubby friend YW+D : Or one will fall on you! Baloney: (spoken) On me? Heh hah huh huh! (CLANG!) Dot : (spoken) That wasn't pretty. Yakko : But it had to be done. Baloney: Heh huh huh huh huh! Great song! Heh huh huh huh! Neato completo yippie! Wakko : It's unstoppable!!! Yakko : Call in the National Guard! Dot : Or Tonya Harding's bodyguard! Baloney: Let's sing it again! I lovey-dovey loved it! YW+D : OK! Yakko : It's made of solid iron Dot : It weighs a ton or two Wakko : We know you'd like to meet it YW+D : It wants to meet you too! Baloney: Huh hu-- (CLANG!) Baloney: (spoken) Yay! Let's do it again! Yakko : Now it's gettin' scary. --- "The Goodbye Song" All : We love you Baloney: I love we YW+D : He's as dumb as dumb can be Baloney: (spoken) Yup, uh huh! Huh huh huh! All : (sung) But we found a way that we can get along Baloney: I stand still All : For the Anvil Song. Baloney: Uh huh huh huh huh huh huh! (CLANG!) (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from SCARE HAPPY SLAPPY (Episode 62) by John P. McCann YW+D: It's Halloween And we're on the scene Gonna fill up on candy 'Til we turn green On Halloween Who needs protein? It's Halloween! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from WITCH ONE (Episode 62) by John P. McCann (Parodies of songs from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast") "The Judge" (parody of ?) Judge : Good day, Sykes Let's go hunt for witches Dig them out Of their secret niches They could be cats or people Which is up to me to say. Good day! Good day! Good day! Baker : The judge is happy when he hunts for a witch Wife : He couldn't find one in a ditch Shepherd: But if he thinks that you're a witch Baker : He'll burn you up with pitch BW+S : A dangerous jerk, the judge. Judge : (spoken) Good morning, Witch! Hazel : Err, me? Judge : No, you old wombat -- the shopkeeper! (Witch Hazel walks away, whistling innocently) Keeper : But, judge, you know me! I'm no witch! Judge : I know you're holding a broomstick, and only witches have broomsticks! Lougal, Taylor! Arrest him! BW+S : So long, shopkeeper! Taking him was all wrong We'll be accused before too long Baker : Before the judge is done with that Shepherd: He'll arrest a kitty cat Judge : Cats are spirits of the Evil One BW+S : Salem's really not much fun We got troubles by the ton From the judge! --- "There's Nothing Quite Like a Cat" (parody of ?) Rita : Who can hunt like a cat? Not a dog or a bat Who can stalk a big bird Or a rat like a cat? Other creatures, they're half as cunning Slick as a greased-up snake Go and watch any wolf or coyote They can't find fish knee-deep in a lake. Judge: Who hunts cats like the judge? Witches' fun, like the judge? Those tools of the devil Kitty cats, like the judge? Rita : Who hunts like a cat? Judge: I hunt down all cats! Rita : We're keen so that's that Judge: I hate them like rats! Rita : There's nothing quite like... R+J : ...a cat! --- "Still There's Me and You" (parody of Beauty and the Beast) Rita : So long, Salem, Mass. Time to say bye-bye I almost got drowned Chased right out of town Boy, did my fur fly. Boston, here we come Home of beans and tea Maybe they need pets Don't take any bets Still, there's you and me. Runt : (spoken) That sure was pretty, Rita. I hope we don't get sued. (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from THE WARNERS' 65th ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL (Episode 65) by Paul Rugg "The Warners Are Back" Liza : For 65 years we've laughed at their mayhem Here are the words we use to explain them: (singer/dancers join Liza) Yakko: (spoken at table) Uh oh. I was afraid of this. Singers: Silly, bizarre, loony, mad, and kooky Crazy, wigged out, giddy, bad, and goofy Yakko, Wakko and Dot They're hip; they're cool; they're hot. (YW+D hurl) Singers: They're Warners Fabulous Warners Wonderful Warners Look out; the Warners are back! (Singers drop Liza. Crowd applauds.) Yakko: These people would clap at anything. (Wakko gets an idea and climbs on table) Wakko: Hey, everybody! Wanna hear me play Yankee Doodle with my armpits? (Silence, apart from crickets) Yakko: Ehhh, almost anything. Singers: Yes, the Warners are back They're really the most Now here he is Our fabulous host! --- Buddy: I'm a-frolickin' in the outback Just as chipper as I can be Got no cares and got no worries I'm happy Outback Buddy! [later] ... YW&D : Shh! (WHAM!) We smashed Outback Buddy! [later] ... YW&D : (WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!) We smashed Postman Buddy! --- "Make a Gookie" (parody of Feelin' Groovy) Wakko: Be cool and smell a flower Make love, not war, and shower Kiss the world, and be groovy Go ahead and make a Gookie! Y+D : Ba da ba da ba da ba Make a Gookie YW+D : Ba da ba da ba da ba Make a Gookie! --- "Hurtin' Our Feet" (parody of Stayin' Alive) Disco: Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurtin' our feet Hurtin' our feet Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurtin' our feet! It should be clear by the types of clothes we choose We're disco kids with disco shoes They may be cool; they may look neat But wearing 'em sure hurts our feet Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurtin' our feet! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell, The Mystic Mongoose and Michael Jason Lewis) =============================================== Lyrics from TAKE MY SIBLINGS, PLEASE (Episode 66) by Paul Rugg "The Hunk From Upumema" (parody of The Girl From Ipanema) Dot: Tall and dark and really handsome The hunk from Upumema's real dumb And when he strolls, each one he strolls by goes "Euuaaagheuulgh!" (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== Lyrics from PIGEON ON THE ROOF (Episode 67) by Deanna Oliver "Scorsese" (parody of Traditions) Squit : As far back as I can remember, the Goodfeathers had the best perch in the neighborhood, because we perched on the statue of the greatest filmmaker in the world -- Scorsese! GoodFs: Scorsese... Scorsese! Cooooooooooo! Scorsese! [joined by the Girlfeathers; all repeat the verse] Squit : (spoken) Without the statue of Scorsese, our lives would be as slippery as ... a Pigeon on the Roof! [In silhouette, Pesto dances on a chimney, slips and falls in.] --- "Egg-hatcher, Egg-hatcher" (parody of Matchmaker, Matchmaker) Sasha : This is the deal, Goodfeathers: We decided we wanna get married and be egg-hatchers. GoodFs: EGG-HATCHERS?? Pesto : You wanna be an egg-hatcher? Kiki : Uh huh -- an egg-hatcher. Kiki : Egg-hatcher, egg-hatcher I wanna be Perched on a nest So feathery. Lana : Egg-hatcher, egg-hatcher I'm in the mood To sit on on my tush And brood. Kiki : Oh, Pesto Ask me to marry. Lana : Oh, Bobby Say the word and we're wed. Sasha : Oh, Squit Coo! (whack!) Make a commitment. I want to be married before I'm dead. GirlFs: Egg-hatcher, egg-hatcher Don't wanna date 'Cause marriage is best Build us nest Don't make us wait We want eggs to incubate. GoodFs: Aaaaaagh!!! (they run away) --- "If I Were The Godpigeon" (parody of If I Were A Rich Man) Pesto : A beakful of sand is not comical -- is that comical? Bobby : The Godpigeon thinks it's amusing; it's amusing -- ya know what I'm sayin'? Squit : That's one of the advantages of being Godpigeon, Pesto. [He and Bobby leave.] Pesto : Coo... I wish I was the Godpigeon. Pesto : If I were the Godpigeon Cooey cooey cooey fettucini cream sauce parmisan! All the time I'd "Huhyughyughi!" If I were the Godpigeon! Ba da bing! Birds would kiss my toesies Schmooey schmooey schmooey mostaccioli Vito Corleone! Lord, show them I wasn't born to lose Make me boss of all them pigie-poos I'd make offers no one can refuse If I were the Godpigeon! Yeah! Pesto : (spokene) Maybe I'll do a little COO d'etat and take over the flock. --- "Coo Coo Quack" (parody of Mazel Tov) Pesto : I had a dream, and you were there, and YOU were there! Bobby : Alright already, Toto; tell us the dream. Pesto : OK OK OK OK OK OK. It started when I was perched out on a graveyard. Zombies: A feather on your head Coo coo quack! Coo coo quack! We are the grateful dead Coo coo quack! Coo coo quack! We feathered up a nest For our distinguished guest Hello, Godpigeon Pesto. [The zombie birds kiss Pesto's feet.] GoodFs : *"Godpigeon"?* Squit : You got it all wrong, zombies Bobby : He's just Pesto Squit : He's not Godpigeon, zombies Pesto : Although someday I hope to be. [The Godpigeon comes forth from his grave, a zombie.] GodP : *Cooooo! Bauuugh!* GoodFs : *Aaaaaaaaagh!* GodP : Umazeh booeyai! Zombies: He says "You croaked me!" GodP : Ahjehbahchaiheyah! Zombies: He says he's angry! (quack!) GodP : *Cooooo!* GoodFs : *Aaaaaaaaagh!* (thud!) --- "Sasha, Squit" (parody of Sunrise, Sunset) Squit: Coo coo kachoo, Mrs Robinson. Sasha: What do you mean by that? Squit: Nothin'. Ahem. I want to tell you something. Squit: Sasha... Sasha: Squit... Squit: Sasha... Sasha: Squit... Squit: Time to get engaged. S+S : We'll share a roost And hatch a fam'ly Squit: Even though you are middle-aged. Sasha: (spoken) THAT'S IT! Are you sayin' I'm old? [thwack!] Is that what you're sayin'? [thwack!] Squit: Ow! Ow! [oof!] Hey! Sasha! I'm not sayin' that! [oof!] Sasha: I'll giva ya old! [thwack!] Upside the head! [thwack!] Scungili! [thwack!] ... Squit: What a relationship! [oof!] Come on! [oof!] ... "Do You Want Me?" (parody of Do You Love Me?) Bobby: Looks like everybody's getting hooked up around here. Lana : Yeah... Bobby: Erm... Oh, Lana... Bobby: Do you want me? Lana : Do I -- huh? Bobby: Do you want me? Lana : Do I want him? The truth of it is He's mortified Petrified Terrified To say "I love you Be my bride I need you by my side" Bobby: Do you want me? Lana : Oh it's up to you. Bobby: Then ba da bing bip bip ba doo! B+L : OK, so we're betrothed It's no big coo. But the truth of it is I do want you. --- "Regis Philbin" (parody of Anatevka) (the statue of Martin Scorsese has been replaced by another statue) Bobby : The Godpigeon says that it is a statue of Regis Philbin. Pesto : There is no way I am gonna sit on Regis Philbin's head! [The others mutter in accord.] All : Regis Philbin Regis Philbin On TV With Kathie Lee Regis Philbin GirlFs: We will not perch On that big goof. All : Regis Philbin Regis Philbin That bigshot Screams a lot Regis Philbin Pesto : I'd rather be a All : Pigeon on the Roof! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== COO (Episode 67) by Deanna Oliver (Parody of "Cool" from West Side Story) Pesto: Would someone please explain what that was all about? That had to be the most confusing, mixed-up, cockamamie script I've ever read in my entire beakin' life! [Afazoul!?] Bobby: 'ey, 'o! Coo! Pesto! 'o! Coo down, bird! Bobby: Bird, bird Crazy bird Stay coo Bird! Beak it Buzz it Easy Does it. Turn off the juice Bird! Go, bird, go! But not like a dodo. Coo, bird! Play it coo, bird. Real coo. Pesto: Coo! Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh ... (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== I'M MAD (Episode 69) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. DrSns: Wake up! It's late! It's twenty minutes after eight Everyone get up; it's time to go Up and at 'em now Come on; shake a leg Have some juice and scrambled egg On the floor and out the door Let's get on our way. Dot : Hey, watch out! Yakko: What's the matter? Dot : You almost knocked me off the ladder Yakko: No I didn't Dot : Yes you did; I almost fell Yakko: Don't exaggerate Dot : I'm not Yakko: Yeah, right Dot : Are you trying to pick a fight? Yakko: Will you get out of my face?! Dot : Well, you're always in my space DrSns: Hey get off each other's case Because we're trying to get along. Wakko: I want pancakes Or a waffle This tastes awful Is that all we've got? Can't find my clothes And I need to blow my nose And my socks are full holes And my shoelace has a knot. Dot : That's my toothbrush Yakko: No it's not Dot : Well, it's sitting in my slot Yakko: No it isn't; this is mine and that one's yours Dot : Well, you're standing in my way Yakko: Yeah, that's tough DrSns: Alright now that's enough Everybody get your stuff Because we're going out the door. DrSns: Every time we get into the car It's so much work It takes us twenty minutes While you're driving me berserk With your playing und your jumping Und your running all about When I finally get you inside You always lock me out! Dot : I'm mad, I'm mad I'm really, really, really mad You poked me with your elbow in my side Yakko: No I didn't! Dot : Yes you did Yakko: Nuh-uh Dot : You did And I'm just a little kid You're lying; don't deny it Yakko: Oh, I'm gonna hit you Dot : Yeah, just try it DrSns: Will both of you be quiet 'Cause we're driving in a car! Dot : Ow, he hit me! Yakko: Ow, she bit me! Dot : He said he's gonna "get me" Yakko: No I didn't Dot : Yes you did! DrSns: Alright that's it; now I forbid Either one of you to say another word! Wakko: Are we there yet? I'm tired. I'm hungry. How far? My nose is snotty Need to move my body Gotta use the potty Better stop the car. Dot : Stop it! Yakko: No, you stop it DrSns: Why can't you both just drop it? Dot : Well, he started it Yakko: Oh, yeah, I'm really sure, uh-huh Dot : Na-ah Yakko: Uh-uh Dot : It's your fault Yakko: No it's not. Your leg is in my spot DrSns: Yakko you be quiet Und that goes for you too, Dot! DrSnS: Every time we take a trip It's always just the same With the fighting und the biting Und the calling all those names Then there's pushing und there's shoving Und there's scratching on the neck When we finally get to where we're going Everyone's a wreck! YW+D : Yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak! Dot : I'm mad, I'm mad Wakko: Are we there yet? I'm really, really, really mad I'm tired. You poked me with your elbow in my side I'm hungry. Yakko: No I didn't! How far? Dot : Yes, you did, you did My nose is snotty And I'm just a little kid Need to move my body DrSns: Will both of you be quiet Got to use the potty 'Cause we're driving in a car! Better stop the car. DrSns: We're here, we're here Doesn't anybody want to give a cheer? Yakko: You mean this is where we're all gonna spend the day? Dot : At the circus?! Wakko: Hey, guys, look! They got rides! DrSns: Now you're satisfied? Alright, everyone inside And let's have some fun, okay? YW+D : Yay!!! Dot : I'm glad, I'm glad What a really great time we had Did you see those lions and those tigers Weren't they neat? DrSns: Are you happy now? Dot : We are; thanks a lot I'm sorry that we fought From now on I'll get along Yakko: That's alright, Dot; I was wrong DrSns: Ah that's nice, now come along Let's all get in the car. Dot : You can take the seat you like You're always so gallant Yakko: Ah, thank you, Dot, but ladies first You take the seat you want DrSns: Everybody's happy now We've had a real good day Und now it's time to go back home So let's be on our way. Dot : You hit me Yakko: No I didn't Dot : Yes you did. Stop it! Yakko: No, you stop it Dot : Move your leg Yakko: No, you move your leg Dot : You started it Yakko: No I didn't, you did Dot : No I didn't, you did Yakko: So what? Dot : You always start it! Yakko: Don't you cross that line! Dot : You're not boss of me! Yakko: This is where the line is, right here! Dot : Oh yeah? Since when? Get out of my face! I'm the boss here! Yakko: Dr Scratchansniff, she's not ... . =============================================== SLAPPY & SKIPPY INTRO (Episode 70) Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. YW+D : She's a cranky old critter She's bitter We warn ya She lives in a treehouse In Burbank California Along with her nephew He says "spew" He's cheerful Then his aunt Starts to rant She gives him an earful She's grumpy He's happy It's generation-gappy Take a whirl With the squirrels Skippy and Slappy! Slappy: Ah, put a sock in it! Skippy: That's my... YWD+Sk: ...Aunt Slappy! =============================================== A QUAKE! A QUAKE! (Episode 70) Music by Robert Schumann (The Happy Farmer). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. According to Rogel, these were his original lyrics. The song also appeared on the Yakko's World album with heavily altered lyrics. See the separate entry below for those. Yakko: This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter night When the moon was shining bright Back in January of 1994, At 4:30 in the morning And without a single warning Something strange began to move the floor. (song begins) Yakko: A quake! A quake! The house begins to shake You're bouncing 'cross the floor And watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping; there's a quake You're instantly awake You're leaping out of bed and shouting DrSns: Oh for heaven's sake! Yakko: I ran outside with neighbors Their faces filled with shock That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks! Yakko: Oh, a quake! A quake! Dot : Say it's all a big mistake Wakko: Just feel the ground go up and down Yakko: Won't someone hit the brake? A quake! A quake! Oh what a mess they make The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls Destruction in its wake. DrSns: I did not have insurance So I called zem from ze scene Und suddenly I'm listening To an answering machine say... Yakko: Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought to wait 'Cause now you're stuck; we wish you luck Here comes a six-point-eight! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas's fault 'Cause Mister Richter can't predict her Kicking our asphalt. Yakko: Seismologists all say Tectonic plates are in between An encroaching crustal mantle W+D : Yeah, so what the heck's that mean? Yakko: It means a quake! A quake! W+D : Oh really, yeah, no fake? We kind of had that feeling When the ground began to shake. Yakko: California's great It's such a lovely state And every lawn is sitting on A continental plate. Yakko: Los Angeles had fires And a riot and a flood And then a drought and the recession And then now we hear this thud... Yakko: Of a quake! A quake! YW+D : How much more can we take? Dot : We thought that we had seen it all Yakko: But this one takes the cake. The dirt... Dot : ...the rocks Wakko: And all those aftershocks YW+D : It's just the planet moving granite Several city blocks. *YW+D: L.A. town is falling down * While the ground * Moves around * We won't let it get us down * We're Californians! Yakko: A quake... Dot : ...a quake Wakko: It's time to pull up stake Yakko: We're all fed up; we can't deny it Dot : Fires, quakes, and floods and riot YW+D : We want some place with peace and quiet So we're moving to Beirut! * - Sung to "London Bridge" =============================================== VARIETY SPEAK (Episode 71) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Yakko: In Hollywood they have a different language that they speak It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week Dot : It's found inside `Variety', a magazine they use Y+D : And no one understands it when they read the movie news. Dot : Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix" Yakko: Means someone made a movie that bombed Dot : "The veeps in charge are now at large" Yakko: Means everyone involved is gone. Dot : "The plot conflix; no beautiful chix" Yakko: So it's coming out on video soon Dot : They're "taking their lix" 'Cause the critics say "nix" Yakko: And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix. Dot : But the "stock sees green" on page thirteen Yakko: Means Disney's up a nickel a share Dot : "Stallone cuts deal for a major reel" Yakko: Means Rocky number six, so beware. Dot : If you want the "poop" Yakko: Or you need the "scoop" Y+D : On Hollywood town this week You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety Speak! Girls: Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! Dot : "A boffo smash makes Warner cash" Yakko: Means there's gonna be a sequel next year Dot : But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts" Yakko: Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear. Dot : "Oliver Stone does next Home Alone" Yakko: Means he's getting paid an arm and a leg The budget goes "crunch" Dot : But his name "packs punch" Yakko: So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch"! Dot : Well, the "ratings smile" on the O.J. trial Yakko: Means a movie of the week to premiere Dot : "Universal cuts deal with Mister Spiel" Yakko: To do a hundred thousand movies a year. YW+D : You gotta play it smart If you wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety Speak! Girls: Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! Yakko: Normal talk makes producers walk Y+D : You might as well speak Greek You're gonna have to learn... Wakko: Or the meeting will adjourn... YW+D : Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety Speak! Girls: Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! Bob-a-doo-bop! A-bob-a-doo-bah! YW+D : Bah-doop-bah-doop-bah-doop-bahhh-dah! =============================================== Lyrics from THREE TENORS AND YOU'RE OUT (Episode 71) by Jeff Kwitny and Nicholas Hollander (Sung to the Dance of the Hours from "La Gioconda") Three tenors: Calamari Marinara Ravioli (Vir?) Ricotta Minestrone Macaroni ???? And a big slice of baloney! --- (for "Slippin' on the Ice" lyrics, see entry at Episode 50) --- (Sung to the Toreador Song from "Carmen") Three tenors: Tommy Lasorda, Jackie Robinson Roy Campanella, Henry Aaron Mantle, Maris, Reggie Jackson, Baby Ruth Willie Mays, and Filipe Alou Lou Gehrig, DiMaggio And Rod Carew Matty and Moses Alou! --- Three tenors: She's the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world Let's play ball with Slappy the Squirrel! --- Lyrics from the Finale of Episode 71 by Tom Ruegger (Sung to the Animaniacs theme) Three tenors: We are Animaniacs And we're zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh 'til you collapse We're Animaniacs! Pepperoni : Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule the universe D+C : There's Skippy and there's Slappy Say hi to Hello Nurse Buttons chases Mindy Pepperoni : While Rita sings a verse D+C : The writers flipped Pepperoni : We have no script Three tenors: Why bother to rehearse? Three tenors: We're Animaniacs We have pay-or-play contracts We're zany to the max There's baloney in our slacks Domino : We're Animanie Carumba : Totally insaney Pepperoni : Spaghetti stainy Three tenors: Animaniacs! Those are the facts! =============================================== U.N. ME (Episode 72) Music traditional (Down by the Riverside). Lyrics by John P. McCann. Yakko: U.N. me, we had a bag of fun Down by the East Riverside That United Nations there Drives away a fella's care 183 countries meet Down by the East Riverside New York, off 42nd Street. Wakko: See foreign states with a grudge Down by the East Riverside United Nations tries to fix Wars, famine, and oil slicks Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee Down by the East Riverside Leads the General Assembly. Dot : The gift shop will take traveler's checks Down by the East Riverside German tourists were not rare Buying T-shirts and flatware Ate pastry from Liberia Down by the East Riverside At the U.N. cafeteria. YW+D : Took a tour with some Dutch Down by the East Riverside We had a guide from Japan Who had a decent pension plan Saw costly artwork from Brazil Down by the East Riverside On which my soda I did spill. U.N. me, we had a bag of fun Down by the East Riverside Saw flags on shiny poles From lands with lofty goals We'll beat our swords into liverwurst Down by the East Riverside But no one wants to be the first YW+D : But then I guess it could be worse Wakko: We could still sing one more verse YW+D : U.N. me! (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== Lyrics from A HARD DAY'S WARNER (Episode 73) by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV "Running From Our Fans" (parody of A Hard Day's Night) YW+D : You can see that we're black and white And we are running from our fans Riding on invisible bikes And walking on our hands And everywhere that we go We get no peace, don't you know That's why we're running from our fans. In cartoons Everything's crazy and wild In cartoons We are corrupting your child! You see we're doing wacky gags While we are running from our fans We're hiding behind mags And we run inside garbage cans We always get this attention At a cartoon convention So we're running from our fans Yes, we're running from our fans! --- "They Want To Laugh" (parody of Can't Buy Me Love) YW+D : They want to laugh, laugh They want to laugh, laugh They want to laugh, laugh, laugh! Yakko: You say you're gonna make a feature film With animation really fine Dot : You say it's gonna be a preachy film With a heartfelt storyline Yakko: Just make sure that it's good and funny Wakko: 'Cause things ought to make you laugh! YW+D : They want to laugh, laugh They want to laugh, laugh They want to laugh, laugh, laugh! =============================================== THE TIGER PRINCE (Episode 74) by Peter Hastings (Parody of The Circle of Life from "The Lion King") (intro) ????? ?????? (chant) ???????? ???????? Ooh, Galleria, that's a malla I know it's just a lot o' walla (melody) Ever since we could think for ourselves We wondered what will happen to us But it can't be foretold What the future will hold If you'll get rich or get hit by a bus. The surprises in life Keep us on our toes Like a sock in the jaw Like a punch in the nose They keep us guessing They mix it up The surprises The surprises in life. (Yakko drops The Tiger Prince from the cliff) Yakko: Ooh... I thought they were supposed to land on their feet. =============================================== ALL THE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (Episode 74) Music traditional (Mexican Hat Dance). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Script by Paul Rugg. Announcer: And now, Yakko Warner sings all of the words in the English language! Yakko: Aardvark, abating, abet, abdicating Abandon, abase and abreast Ablaze and ablution, abhor and abusion Abbreviate, abbey, abscessed. Abduct and ablation, abridge and abrasion Abash and abrupt and abride Abscond and absentia, absent, abstentia Abdomen, ably, abide. Abominable, abrogate, absolute, absent Absorbent, abstention, abstraction Absurd and abundant, abusive, abutment Acacia, academy, action. Accede and accost and accept and across And accompany, acre, accord Accomplish, account and accrue and amount Acrimonious, active, adored. Adrenaline, adulate, adder and advocate Advertise, adverse, abrade Advice, adversarial, advent and aerial Affluent, after, afraid. Dot : Well, there it is: Yakko Warner now well under way in singing all the words in the English language. I'm Dot Warner. With me is Dick Button. Dick, a good start? Dick : Oh, yes, Dot -- a marvelous start to what is a difficult, difficult routine. Dot : Stay tuned, and we'll be back to bring you the whole thing. --- Yakko: Level and levity, lewd and longevity Libel, libation, Lanai Lithium, litigate, legal, legitimate Liberty, levy and lie. Dot : Welcome back. Yakko's now at the L's as he tries to sing all the words in the English language. A slight mistake at the F's -- here's what it looked like: Yakko: Facial and faction and fractal and fraction And fraudulent, fragrant, frappe Frankincense, frankish and frakisish, frashhh... Shoot! Yada yada flambe! Dick : Now, that mistake could have proved costly for Yakko, but he recovered beautifully. Dot : Now let's watch as Yakko continues with the L's. Yakko: Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line. There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning And logo and then locomotion There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy Logic and loosen and lotion. Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover And lullaby, lumber and luke Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous And lurking and lunar and lute. Dot : Yakko's now about halfway through all the words in the English language. Dick Button and I will be back with more. --- Yakko: Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar Zillion and ZIP code and Zen Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium Zodiac, zombie, ze-in. Dot : Yakko Warner, now moments away from having sung all the words in the English language. Dick Button, is he going to make it? Dick : If it was anyone else, I'd say no, but he's young, he's resilient; we'll just have to see. Yakko: Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra And zenith and zap and zaffer Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither Then zinc and zombini And zoo and zucchini And Zulu and Zorro Then zit and zamoro And zero and zoom and... ugh! Dot : Guess not! Yakko: Wait! ...Zaire! Dot : He did it! Yakko Warner has just sung all the words in the English language! Dick : Hey, congratulations, Yakko. Yakko: Thanks, Dick. Dick : Join us next time, when Yakko Warner will sing all of the numbers above zero. Goodnight! =============================================== THE KID IN THE LID (Episode 74) by Paul Rugg and Tom Ruegger Boy : It was hotter than blazes About a hundred and ten So we stayed in the house In the air conditionin'. We just hung around My sister and me And watched countless hours Of daytime TV. Too hot to go out We'd melt in the sun So we stared at the tube Which isn't much fun. All we could do was watch, watch Watch, watch 'Til I spilled lots of soda All over my crotch. Then we heard a kaboom That kaboom shook the room We turned And into our house something slid. A strange-looking fellow The Kid in the Lid And he said to us Yakko: "Oops. Now look what I did. "Now, we all know it's hot And you don't have a pool But there are lots of fun things We can do that are cool. "The first silly thing we can do..." Boy : Said the kid Yakko: "...is play with some glue!" Boy : Said the kid in the lid. Yakko: "Lots of wet glue We'll make a big mess We'll glue things together Your parents will stress." Boy : But our parents were out They were gone for a week To be truthful They'd been gone for a 90-day streak. The last that we heard They were in the Bahamas Leaving us here To face childhood traumas. As for playing with glue My sis said Girl : "Let's do it!" Boy : "Kids need to have fun" I shouted, "Let's glue it!" But our pet woodchuck said CWood: "No, that kid has to leave Open the door And give him the heave. "He doesn't seem normal He doesn't seem well Besides that, his pants Have a real funny smell." Yakko: "Hey, woodchuck, calm down Just relax" Boy : said the kid Yakko: "It's you who smells bad" Boy : Said the kid in the lid. Yakko: "I bet you've not washed In at least seven months So I strongly suggest That we bathe you at once. "In the tub..." Boy : said the kid Yakko: "...goes the smelly woodchuck Use lots of shampoo To cut through all the muck." CWood: "No, stop!" Boy : yelled our woodchuck CWood: "Get me out of this tub!" Boy : As the water got deeper The woodchuck went CWood: "Blub!" Yakko: "It's OK" Boy : said the kid Yakko: "I won't let you drown I'll pull on this chain So the water goes down. "And the woodchuck goes too And he goes down the drain And comes out the potty In considerable pain." Boy : Then the toilet exploded A messy disaster The water rose up And wrecked all the plaster. It surged down the hallway And flooded the den It filled up the kitchen And bedrooms and then... It splashed out the door And into the street Where it provided relief From the afternoon heat. Kids came from all over To splash in the lake Not knowing the source Was our potty break. Girl : "They're swimming in water Straight out of our toilet!" Boy : "Think we should tell 'em?" Yakko: "Nah! That'd just spoil it!" CWood: "Ooh! You're going to get it!" Boy : Said our woodchuck, upset CWood: "You ruined our house And got everything wet! "I think you're insane You're rude and you're naughty To make matters worse I'm stuck in this potty!" Yakko: "Perhaps you should nap You need sleep" Boy : said the kid Then all of us watched As that kid closed the lid. Then he went running off And in less than an hour The kid had come back With a small water tower. Yakko: "I've returned" Boy : said the kid Yakko: "I've returned with this tower It would have been sooner But I needed a shower." Boy : He opened the top And shouted Yakko: "Let's play!" Boy : Then out sprang two kids Who responded W+D : "OK!" Yakko: "These two are my sibs They're fun; wait and see May I proudly present Kid Two and Kid Three?" Boy : They gave us a kiss Then said W+D : "Helloooo, nurse!" Boy : "The first kid was trouble But these two seem worse!" "Hi! How're you doing? That's Mary; I'm Scooter" Kid Two looked at Mary Then whispered Dot : "I'm cuter." Boy : Then they ran all around Doing impossible feats Acting like kids Who've had too many sweets. Kid Three said Wakko: "I'm hungry" Boy : His eyes started twitchin' He shot out the room And ran into the kitchen. He opened the cupboards And then started chewing On cans of tomatoes And carrots for stewing. He gulped down the flour Some dry macaroni Three bottles of ketchup And then Rice-A-Roni! Dot : "The San Francisco Treat!" Boy : He ate all the dishes But didn't stop there He swallowed the sink Then our new Frigidare. Wakko: "Ahh! Hey, that was delicious Thanks for the snacks I'm hypoglycaemic I get munchie attacks." Boy : Then we heard a loud blast And ran out the door Those three crazy kids Were now playing war! Girl : "Oh no! You must stop this!" Boy : Said Sis to Kid Two Girl : "It's this sort of playing You just must not do!" Dot : "I'm sorry; we can't It's too late; we've begun We always play war Until somebody's won." Boy : Then the walls started cracking And the ceiling gave in We ran out the door As the whole house caved in. Then, oh! what bad timing For, right then and there Our parents returned So we said a quick prayer. B+G : "Don't let them be angry" Boy : We said it again B+G : "Don't let them be angry Oh, please, please! Amen." Boy : Our parents were dazed They stood there dumbfounded As they looked at the damage We knew we'd be grounded. Yakko: "Well, that was some fun But enough for one day Give us a call And we'll come back to play." (YW+D leave for a moment and kids begin to cry.) Wakko: "Ha ha ha! We got ya!" Dot : "Yeah. We were just kiddin'." Yakko: "We'll rebuild your house And then paint it with Glidden." Dot : "The San Francisco Treat!" Boy : And that's what they did And in less than a jiffy The house was rebuilt And it looked really spiffy. That night, we ate well It had been quite a day But now life was happy It was all A-OK. CWood: "Hello? Hello??? Anyone? Anybody? Can anyone hear me? I'm still in the potty!" =============================================== THE PRESIDENTS SONG (Episode 75) Music by Gioacchino Rossini (William Tell Overture). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. Verses preceded by an asterisk (*) are original lyrics heard on the Variety Pack album, replaced on television by the previous listed verse. Yakko: Heigh ho, do you know The names of the U.S. residents Who then became the presidents And got a view from the White House loo Of Pennsylvania Avenue? Wakko: George Washington was the first, you see He once chopped down a cherry tree Dot : President number two would be John Adams and then number three *Yakko: George Washington was the first, you see * He once chopped down a cherry tree *Dot : President number two would be * John Adams and then number three Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write The Declaration late at night So he and his wife had a great big fight And she made him sleep on the couch all night *Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write * The Constitution late at night * So he and his wife had a great big fight * And she made him sleep on the couch all night Wakko: James Madison never had a son And he fought the War of 1812 Dot : James Monroe's colossal nose Was bigger than Pinocchio's Yakko: John Quincy Adams was number six And it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks So Jackson learns to play politics Next time he's the one that the country picks Dot : Martin Van Buren, number eight For a one-term shot as Chief of State Yakko: William Harrison, how do you praise? That guy was dead in thirty days Wakko: John Tyler, he liked country folk Dot : And after him came President Polk Yakko: Zachary Taylor liked to smoke His breath killed friends whenever he spoke Wakko: Eighteen fifty, really nifty Millard Fillmore's in Yakko: Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce The man without a chin Dot : Follows next a period spannin' Four long years with James Buchanan Then the South starts shootin' cannon And we've got a civil war YW+D : A war, a war down south in Dixie Yakko: Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln Dot : There's a guy who's really thinkin' Wakko: Kept the United States from shrinkin' Saved the ship of state from sinkin' Dot : Andrew Johnson's next He had some slight defects Wakko: Congress each Would impeach Dot : And so the country now elects Yakko: Ulysses Simpson Grant Who would scream and rave and rant Wakko: While drinking whiskey Although risky 'Cause he'd spill it on his pants Yakko: It's eighteen seventy-seven And the Democrats would gloat But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes Wins by just one vote Dot : James Garfield, someone really hated 'Cause he was assassinated Wakko: Chester Arthur gets instated Four years later, he was traded Dot : For Grover Cleveland, really fat Elected twice as a Democrat Then Benjamin Harrison; after that It's William McKinley up to bat Yakko: Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill Wakko: And President Taft, he got the bill Yakko: In 1913 Woodrow YW+D : Wil... ...son takes us into World War One Yakko: Warren Harding next in line Dot : It's Calvin Coolidge; he does fine Wakko: And then in nineteen twenty-nine The market crashes, and we find *Yakko: Warren Harding, he does fine *Dot : It's Calvin Coolidge next in line *Wakko: And then in nineteen twenty-nine * The market crashes, and we find Yakko: It's Herbert Hoover's big debut He gets the blame and loses to Dot : Franklin Roosevelt, president who Helped us win in World War Two Wakko: Harry Truman, weird little human Serves two terms and when he's done Yakko: It's Eisenhower who's got the power From fifty-three to sixty-one Dot : John Kennedy had Camelot Then Lyndon Johnson took his spot Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught And Gerald Ford fell down a lot *Dot : John F. Kennedy, he gets shot * So Lyndon Johnson takes his spot *Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught * And Gerald Ford fell down a lot Wakko: Jimmy Carter liked campaign trips Yakko: And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts All came from famous movie clips And President Bush said "read my lips" Dot : Now in Washington D.C. Wakko: There's Democrats and the G.O.P. Yakko: But the ones in charge are plain to see Dot : The Clintons, Bill and Hillary *Dot : Now in Washington D.C. *Wakko: There's Democrats and the G.O.P. *Yakko: But the one in charge is plain to see *Dot : It's Clinton, first name Hillary Yakko: The next President to lead the way Well, it just might be yourself one day Then the press'll distort everything you say YW+D : So jump in your plane and fly away (Transcribed by Steve Kramer) =============================================== MULTIPLICATION (Episode 77) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. MissF: Yakko... Yakko: Yes, Miss Flamiel? MissF: I want you to multiply 47 times 83. Yakko: Sounds like a song cue to me! MissF: No it doesn't. Yakko: Oh yes it does. HIT IT, (Maury?)! Yakko: Seven times three is twenty-one Which as you know is just two tens plus one And so we put the one right here And we carry the two one left To the top of the ten's place right next door And we put it on top of the number four Which is really four tens that we multiply Times three in the one's place, and that's why We now have twelve, which we add to the two That we carried to get fourteen. See how easy that was? Oh ho, it's multiplication It's math education Hey, Albert Einstein said that it's so easy to do It's simple, it's breezy It's fun and it's easy Just buy a calculator; you can multiply too. And now, the second digit... Seven times eight is fifty-six Which as you know is just five tens plus six And so we put the six right here In the ten's place, left of the one Carry the five, like we did before To the top of the ten's place, next to the four Then multiply that four times eight To get thirty-two, see isn't this great? Then we add the five that we carried before To get thirty-seven, then add once more Straight down to get three thousand, nine hundred and one. Isn't this swell? Oh, let's give multiplication A standing ovation Isaac Newton multiplied a couple times, too Times two, times two, times two It's simple, it's breezy It's fun and it's easy So buy a calculator And study this stuff later Maybe someday you can multiply numbers too Three, four, five Recess! (Transcribed by Steve Kramer) =============================================== Lyrics from THE SOUND OF WARNERS (Episode 78) by Paul Rugg "Burbank" (parody of The Sound of Music) Nanny: There's no place on earth That is quite like Burbank Fall under its spell And you can't resist The sights and the sounds And the smells of Burbank There's so much to see That it's hard to list. Just look over there at that lizard On the hot asphalt As it tries to cool its feet And see all the buildings That are beige and brown It's the same on every street The friendly people Always wave and smile As they drive from here to there And up in the sky Smog hangs like a chocolate eclair! Oh! Burbank, I'm here In your wondrous bosom I'm pinching myself Have my dreams come true? Oh, B-U-R-B-A-N-K Spells `Burbank' Burbank, I love you! --- "What Do You Do With Children Like Us Warners?" (parody of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?) Nanny: Oh, come now. The children can't possibly be as beastly as all that. DrSns: They're not; they're worse. DrSns: They put termites in my pants Filled my coffee cup with ants Then they shoved some macaroni up my nose Ralph: Up his nose! Nurse: Always giving me a kiss Ralph: They sneak up on me like this DrSns: Ate my toupee Nurse: And my lipstick Ralph: And my clothes! Nurse: They pop out of cookie jars Ralph: Slide a drawer and there they ares DrSns: I once found them whirling round inside my ear Ralph: Inside his ear! SR+N : There is nowhere they can't hide Ralph: Eats a doughnut; they's inside SR+N : They're too crazy They're too zany They're... YW+D : ...right here! YW+D : Oh, what do you do with children like us Warners? What do you do to get us to obey? Dot : We're really not so bad Wakko: If not just lightly mad Yakko: We can't help it if we like to play! YW+D : Oh, what do you do with children like us Warners? Wakko: What do you do with eggs at a buffet? (Y+D stare) Wakko: It rhymed... --- "Poison Oak" (parody of Edelweiss) Nanny: That bush you went in must have been poison oak. DrSns: Agh! Poison oak?! Nanny: Oh, do let's sing about it! DrSns: About my poison oak?? Nanny: Yes! Let's! DrSns: (to YW+D) I think she's crazy. YW+D : Duh! Nanny: Poison oak Poison oak Makes you itch if you catch it (Yakko: Is there a point to this cartoon?) (Dot : I dunno, but we're still getting paid.) (YW+D : Ka-ching!) Nanny: Skin turns red Blisters spread Spread the more that you scratch it Chafing and stinging The itch gets worse Itch gets worse It's burning Sing! N+Sns: Poison oak Poison oak For days to come you'll be hurting. --- "When I Am Afraid" (parody of My Favorite Things) Nanny: You know, whenever I'm scared like you, I ponder all the things that make me feel warm and squeezy inside. Wakko: You're not gonna sing again, are you? Nanny: Uh huh! Nanny: Ahhh... YW+D : Ugh... Nanny: Fun Bob Hope specials and Spam on the griddle Small bouncing babies with long strands of spittle Mary Hart-Tesh; Shriners in a parade That's what I ponder when I am afraid. Paintings of children with really huge eyeballs Big chubby cats as they cough up their hairballs Paul Harvey's head; Crushing bugs with a spade That's what I ponder when I am afraid. Fuzzy slippers Leonard Maltin And those Olsen twins Just ponder these thoughts When fear has you ensnared Your frowns will turn into grins! --- "Grumpy Chicken" (parody of Lonely Goatherd) Nanny: Deep in the valley A grumpy chicken Buckabuckabuckabucka Buck buck buck! --- "Eat All Your Oatmeal" (parody of Climb Every Mountain) Nanny: Breakfast time! Yummy oatmeal for Dit, Wikki and Petey Pie! YW+D : Yuck! Yakko: To be honest, we don't do oatmeal. Nanny: "Don't do oatmeal"? But it's the most wonderful, most delicious, and, oh my, most wholesome breakfast food in the whole wide world! Why, you simply must... Nanny: Eat all your oatmeal Chew every bite (Yakko: Now!) (YW+D rush off) Nanny: Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal Makes you feel just right. (YW+D burst in with bass drums) YW+D : We had a little doggy We used to call him Fred But now we call him nothing The reason is: he's dead! Hey! (Yakko: That ought to make her mad.) Nanny: When I think of oatmeal It makes my heart throb (Dot : [to Yakko] You were saying...?) Nanny: Every small gooey drop Every big steamy glob (YW+D rush in with guitars and western clothes) YW+D : Who put a rat in Marvin's bed? Who put a spike through Norman's head? Who oh who is doin' all these thangs? Yee haw! Nanny: Eat all your oatmeal Just shove it in (YW+D fire a cannon) Nanny: Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal (Wakko uses a pneumatic drill; Yakko plays a trumpet; Dot plays cymbals) Nanny: Makes your colon grin! (YW+D crash in on their train 49 as the song ends) Nanny: That was wonderful! You children certainly know how to brighten up a song! Dot : Aren't you mad at us for ruining your singing? Wakko: I'd say we deserve a spanking, right on our fanny! YW+D : Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh! Nanny: I'd say you deserve a picnic! I'll go get the basket! =============================================== Lyrics from THE GIRL WITH THE GOOGILY GOOP (Episode H2) by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV YW+D : The censors all protest 'Cause she's practically undressed The cartoon vamp Dot : She's a tramp Y+W : Helloooo, Googi! --- Extras: The city is a happy place Mailbx: 'Cause everything has a face Car : You can always find a parking space Extras: But beware the big bad wolf! --- Yakko : The way she kisses is uncanny She ain't nothin' like your granny She's the girl the censors want to ban-y Googi : Call me Googi -- Googily Goop! Wakko : Watch her do her flapper dancin' Her look is totally entrancin' Censor: In cartoons there's no romancin' Googi : Just call me Googi -- Googily Goop! Ooh! Yakko : Heidi Heidi Heidi Fleiss! Extras: Heidi Heidi Heidi Fleiss! Dot : Hedy Hedy Lamarr. Extras: Hedy Hedy Lamarr. Wakko : Yeah Yehudi Menuhin! Extras: Yeah Yehudi Menuhin! Moon : Yo-Yo Ma. Extras: Yo-Yo Ma. --- Dot : Never seen a dress so purty Wolf : Cartoon girls are much too flirty Yakko : What do you want -- it's 1930 Googi : Call me Googi... G,D+Gm: ...Googily Goop! =============================================== GUNGA DOT (Episode H2) by Randy Rogel Voice : From Karachi to Botswana They all tell the story (???) Of the desert where the ground is burning hot. Of the wind that cracks the stones Where the sun'll bleach your bones And the legend there that's known as Gunga Dot. It was back in '22 We were west of Katmandu On the Afghan border headed towards Bombay. We were traveling out of (??) On an elephant safari When I heard the cry... Marita: ...We're out of Perrier! Oh, Flavio, is it true? Flavio: We're out of Crystal Geyser too And all that sparkling water Evian we brought. Marita: It isn't right; it isn't nice Flavio: We are also out of ice F+M : Come and help us, please, O Gunga Dot! BP+S : Yo, Dot, Dot, Dot Pesto : We're dying here; it's hot Bobby : Bring some water... Squit : ...and some big electric fans. Plotz : Boy, the service here just stinks Y+W : Hurry up there with our drinks Dot : Hey, relax, you jerks; I've only got two hands! Slappy: It's a hundred in the shade And I'm out of lemonade Ralph : I'd like more ice cream so just bring me all you got. Nurse : You know, I think it's getting hotter DrSns : Why don't you bring us all more water? PlYWRaSlSns+N: And do it on the double, Gunga Dot! Voice : Two mice about to lunge With a huge gigantic sponge At the river where the violent waters swirled. Brain : All right, Pinky; now we've got 'er We'll capture all the water Then you and I can take over the world! Voice : He pulled the lever on that sponge And they watched it take the plunge As it filled with water, both of them just smirked. And they lifted it with care High up into the air Pinky : Congratulations, Brain; you see it worked! [sponge rattles] (Pinky : Hmm, what's that sound?) [sponge falls; water spills] (P+B : Whoa!!!) Voice : Meanwhile, for Gunga Dot The crowd was getting hot She ran this way; she ran that way on the fly. Ralph : This Kool-Aid isn't cool Skippy: We need some water in the pool Dot : Hold your horses... Mindy : ...OK, I love you; now bye bye! [Mindy accidentally knocks Buttons into the empty pool] Runt : Rita, look! It's an oasis! Rita : Just be quiet or they'll chase us Runt : I'm hot here, Rita -- definitely, definitely hot. Newt : I'd like a cold refreshing drink For myself and for the mink Dot : Well, you'll have to stand in line for Gunga Dot. Voice : They called for water everywhere Nurse : Yes, I'd like to wash my hair Plotz : I want to shave... Yakko : ...We want a wave... YWN+Pl: ...So get us wet! Voice : And though she'd worked this job for months With people talking all at once Gunga Dot was just about to get upset. Dot : So you want to be real wet That's exactly what you'll get I'll tell you what; here comes a big surprise. You want your pool; you want your shower I live inside a water tower So why don't you try this gusher on for size? [gush!] [P+B crawl out of the river] (Pinky : You know, Brain, it's funny, but I'm feeling thirsty.) [splash!] (P+B : Waaagh!) (Y+W : Cowabunga!) (Skippy: All right!) [Mindy giggles while Buttons swims] Voice : Yes, she pulled that little lever Seemed like water came forever And there's not a spot they say it didn't reach. And after all of that commotion She had formed the Indian Ocean Where everyone now lounges on the beach. Voice : So when beneath a desert sky If your canteen's running dry And you need someone who's Johnny-on-the-spot, You can be her clientele Dot : But you'd better tip me well All-D : You're a better one than we are, Gunga Dot! =============================================== Lyrics from DOT'S ENTERTAINMENT (Episode H2) by Nicholas Hollander ALW = Andy Lloud Webby "Cats of Phantom Boulevard" (parody of ? from ?) Singers: We are Cats of Phantom Boulevard Oh wow. Now singing Now dancing Now ticket sales advancing. Woman : We're the Cats of Phantom Boulevard Singers: Fat Cats of Phantom Boulevard Woman : Meow. --- "Dental Avenue" (parody of "Sunset Boulevard" from Sunset Boulevard) Dot : I came in here and took a seat He says, "Don't eat candy; that is sweet" I said to him, "My heart is breaking." I chewed some gum and that's the truth It pulled the filling from a tooth And now I feel my back teeth aching. Dental avenue Painful avenue Root canal is only the beginning. Toothless avenue Ruthless avenue And only my dentist will be grinning. ALW : What? That's not in the script! "Take a Nap Instead" (parody of "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera) Yakko: Storing, boring The play is confusing Lay back, way back Soon I will be snoozing Think I need a break 'Cause this feeling I can't shake And I'll have to go and take a nap instead. Yakko: Well, my job here is done! ALW : What? Next scene! No!!! "Snacktime" (parody of "Memory" from Cats) Wakko: Snacktime Got a nosh in the midnight The time is right for a light bite Got to eat something tonight. A cookie A sandwich A cruller And limburger cheese No more fish balls If you please! (burp) Now 's the time to dine! ALW : No! Just do it the way I wrote it! "Dough, Some Cash" (parody of "Doe, a Deer" from The Sound of Music) Dot : Dough, some cash -- a wad of cash Yakko: Ray, a guy who fixes cars. Wakko: Me, the one who takes out the trash YW+D : Far, the distance to the stars. Yakko: So, a word that goes with "well" Dot : LA, a city where we dwell Wakko: Tea, with honey it tastes swell Y+W : And that brings us back to... Dot : ...Dough! ALW : No! That's not even my song! You terrible children! You're ruining my play! "Don't Shout At Us, Mr Webby" (parody of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" from Evita) YW+D : Don't shout at us, Mr Webby Because your show's a floppo. When your plays stink You blame the actors. You know what we think? There are other factors. Like the playwrite Needs to rewrite. And the libretto Needs a stiletto. And the entire book Needs a new cook. If you composed it Then you dispose it! =============================================== Lyrics from VALUABLE LESSON (Episode H2) by Paul Rugg (parody of the Smurfs) Singers: In the heart of a meadow In this tall patch of grass Live the cute and fuzzy Snugglers In their huts made of glass. Grandpa: (spoken) And that's why we eat dirt. Kids : Ohhh... Boy : Grandpazoid Snuggler, why do we get angry? Grandpa: Now, that's a snuggly question. Let's talk at length about anger. Grandpa: We get angry when we're upset We get angry when we're sad We get angry when we're selfish We get angry when we're bad. =============================================== PANAMA CANAL (Episode H5) Music traditional (Erie Canal). Lyrics by John P. McCann. Yakko: Got a tramp steamer My ship's called Hal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas They are low-cal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: Sailing 'cross The Caribbean Sea To the Pacific in a jiffy Through Panama But not on land I'd look silly with my ship in the sand Crew : Yo, Hal! Try the Canal Yo, Hal! The Canal is your pal You can sail a cargo ship From sea to shining sea Through the Panama Canal For a nominal fee Yakko: You enter a lock It's a ship corral Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You pay your money Then get a decal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You cross the locks They number three Full of water for you and me 100 feet wide 41 feet deep Water enough to drench a sheep Crew : High lock Up goes the ship Low lock The ship takes a dip First they raise the water level Then lower it again 'Cross the Panama Canal It's really zen Yakko: We passed the locks With good morale Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: The crew yells out Crew : "Thank you, Hal!" 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You're welcome, men Wasn't that fun? 40 miles Our voyage is done From Colon Now past Balboa Adios, Panama So long; aloha (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== HELLO NURSE (Episode H5) Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Dot : Mirror, mirror on the wall Who's the most gorgeous girl of all? Y+W : Helloooo Nurse! Dot : Grrr... Wakko: She's the woman of the year Independent, a career There's not a thing that she couldn't do. Oh, she's alert, she's aware She's got legs like Astaire And a hundred-fifty-seven I.Q. She has several Ph.Ds Speaks fluent Japanese And her shoes will always match with her purse. Whatever street she's walking down Everybody turns around And says... Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse! Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni Won a Pulitzer and a Tony She played the leading role in King Lear. She never drinks, she never smokes She never laughs at dirty jokes She was ambassador to China last year. Oh, she's politically correct She'd never call collect She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse. And when she's walking by I give a little sigh And shout... Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse! Wakko: She gets her math equations right She reads Tolstoy every night She won the Nobel Prize in physics, it's true. She drives a shiny new Corvette Sings opera at the Met And volunteers her time at the zoo. Oh, she won a scholarship to Yale Got a Fulbright in the mail And took a two-year junior college degree. She's manna sent from heaven Too bad I'm only seven 'Cause, Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me! Y+W : If she's not everything that we've said Then may lightning strike us dead (rumble, zap!) Helloooo Nurse! Mwah! =============================================== BALLAD OF MAGELLAN (Episode H5) Music traditional (Get Along, Little Dogeys). Lyrics by Paul Rugg and John P. McCann. Yakko: There once was a man His name was Magellan A Portuguese skipper The girls found him cute He sailed with five ships To find the East Indies Then come back to Spain With a bounty of loot YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Oh happy Magellan Starting your journey With hardly a care Whoopie ti-yi-yo Strong, brave Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic And spotted a country Magellan said Mglln: It's the East Indies at last! Yakko: But then someone shouted Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina! Yakko: Magellan got cranky And chopped down the mast YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Settle down, Magellan Put down that axe There's no time to despair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: A great storm arose In the mighty Pacific The five little ships Were diminished to three At last land was sighted Magellan was happy But then someone shouted Dot : Hey, that's Chile! YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Cheer up, Magellan Check out your map And don't tear out your hair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: It took them five months But they crossed the Pacific They spotted a land That was dotted with palms Magellan proclaimed Mglln: Yes! That's the East Indies! Yakko: But then someone shouted Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam! YW+D : Ay-yi-yi-yi Oops, Magellan Your fun little journey's Become a nightmare Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: They sailed due west To the Philippine Islands Magellan was pleased As the natives drew near But then someone shouted YW+D : I think they're attacking! Yakko: Magellan said... Mglln: ...What? Yakko: And got hit by a spear YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Farewell, Magellan You almost made it It's really not fair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Oh, ghost of Magellan The East Indies islands Were right over there. (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== THE BIG WRAP PARTY TONIGHT (Episode H5) Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. Yakko: Come in, be a smarty The shindig's 'bout to starty Wakko: The gang's all here Dot : Let's give a cheer YW+D : For the big wrap party tonight Wakko: There's chow galore Dot : So open the door YW+D : To the big wrap party tonight Yakko: We're dining buffet style With food from every nation So plan to stop a while And join the celebration Wakko: They've come for fun and feastin' Dot : We've even let the Beast in YW+D : Let's go hors d'oeuvre-in' And see what they're servin' At the big wrap party tonight YW+D : There's manicotti for Dotty Soft shell taco for Yakko And Wakko is ready For a truck load of spaghetti At the big wrap party tonight Hello Nurse is eating liverwurst Thaddeus Plotz has red hots Ralph the Guard is cooking with lard The apron that's cute is Dot's Wakko: Take a whiff, Dr. Scratchansniff Dot : No veal in the meal for Miss Flamiel YW+D : The Flame keeps a-glowin' The punch bowl's overflowin' At the big wrap party tonight The Randy Beaman kid Is eatin' fried squid At the big wrap party tonight Wakko: The pasta by Pesto is the besto Dot : Bobby helps Squit, who's choking on a pit Yakko: The cheese balls are nectar To Mr. Director YW+D : At the big wrap party tonight The great Wakkorotti Has gone to the potty At the big wrap party tonight Yakko: Runt bakes the bundt cakes Dot : A pocket of pita for Rita YW+D : Nuttin' but mutton For Mindy and Buttons Sylvester wants a parakeet-ah Yakko: Katie Ka-Boom can clear out a room Wakko: A pie, key lime Dot : Is headed for the mime YW+D : Chicken Boo Is eating tiramisu At the big wrap party tonight The entire crew Came from Acme Loo For the big wrap party tonight YW+D : Get another nappy for Slappy More bean dippy for Skippy Extra chippos for the Hip Hippos The Brain's eating pizza that's drippy Minerva's leavin' with Steven A hot cocoa drinky for Pinky Yakko and Wakko Don't allow tobacco At the big wrap party tonight It's happy hour In the water tower At the big wrap party tonight YW+D : In our 'toon careers These are the golden years We've loved the jokes So thank you folks You've eaten your fill Now here's the bill For the big wrap party Yakko: Pay with your credit cardy YW+D : At the big wrap party tonight The big wrap party tonight (Transcribed by Steve Kramer) =============================================== NEW SHOW: ANIMANIACS ON FOX trailer (Sung to The Orpheus Overture by Jacques Offenbach) Yakko: I'm an Animaniac Some people say I'm out of whack You can't miss our wild new show With my cute sis, and my bro We all act like we're insane Along with Pinky and The Brain Bobby, Squit, and Pesto Scratchansniff, Hip Hippos Rita, Runt, Chicken Boo Slappy too We dance and sing and do all kinds of crazy things Oh we're the amazing Animaniacs We'll split your sides in half We are the most exciting ever So watch us cause you'll love us We'll be on your TV Coming up next right here on Fox! (Alternate last line: Weekday afternoons right here on Fox!) (2nd alternate last line: Later today right here on Fox!) (Bravo, Bravissimo, etc. from YW+D) (Transcribed by Matthew Ford) =============================================== HAPPY HOLIDAYS trailer (Sung to "Deck the Halls") Yakko: Deck the halls with smelly stockings! YW+D : Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Dot : 'Tis the season to go shopping! YW+D : Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Wakko: Holidays make us more loony! YW+D : Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Dot : Join the fun on our cartoon-y! YW+D : Watch us crazy Animaniacs! Yakko: (spoken) Happy holidays from the Animaniacs and all your friends at Fox! (Transcribed by "The Corinthian") =============================================== SIX DAYS A WEEK trailer Yakko: Do you have a craving for a show that's really kinda wacky, Yearning for some fun that's loony, kooky, zany, and slap-happy? Animaniacs are just the perfect thing to hit the spot. Join us 'cause he's Wakko, I am Yakko, and this is Dot. We escape on Saturdays and every weekday afternoon. We run amok along with other wild and crazy toons. There's Pinky and the Brain, Slappy, and Chicken Boo. Buttons, Mindy, Bobby, Pesto, Rita, Runt to name a few. We'll surprise you, Tantalize you, Mesmerize you, Envigorize you! Come join in the fun; you're really gonna have a blast, Be sure to see each minute of us crazy Animaniacs! (spoken) Six days a week on Fox Kids! (alternatively...) Be sure to see each minute of an all-new Animaniacs! (spoken) Saturday morning on Fox Kids! (also alternatively...) (spoken) Coming up next on Fox Kids! (Transcribed by Brendan Dunn and Ron O'Dell) =============================================== 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS trailer YW+D : For the twelve days of Christmas, Fox Kids Net gave to me: Yakko: Twelve sharkies biting Wakko: Eleven Bobbys triking Dot : Ten Ticks ha-ha'ing Yakko: Nine toons cha-cha'ing Wakko: Eight doggies burping Dot : Seven Tazzes slurping Yakko: Six rangers leaping Wakko: Five faboo X-Men Dot : Four Cubhouse pals Yakko: Three Carmen gals Wakko: Two batty guys Dot : And cute Spiderman to light up our tree. YW+D : (spoken) Happy holidays from Fox Kids! (Transcribed by Ron O'Dell) =============================================== YAKKO'S WORLD: AN ANIMANIACS SING-ALONG theme YW+D : Sing with the Animaniacs And be zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll croon 'til you collapse With Animaniacs! Y+W : The songs we sing are wacky Dot : And the tempos are extreme YW+D : The lyrics are relentless So we'll write them on the screen Just watch the bouncing Dot And drink plenty of caffeine Sing a verse with Hello Nurse And make your parents scream We're Animaniacs Dot is cute and Yakko yaks Wakko packs away the snacks While Bill Clinton plays the sax We're Animaniacs! Y+W : Come join the Warner Brothers Dot : And the Warner Sister, Dot YW+D : Just for fun we'll take your tongue And tie it in a knot If you don't sing along with us We'll put you on the spot Let's all break loose; there's no excuse Just give it all you've got (instrumental chorus) Y+W : (spoken) Helloooo, nurse! (instrumental verse) Cast : We're Animaniacs We have pay-or-play contracts We're zany to the max There's baloney in our slacks We're Animanie Totally insaney Wakko: Chicken chow meiny Dot : The rain in Spainy Yakko: Citizen Kaney Dot : Shirley MacLainey Yakko: Andromeda Strainy YW+D : Cockamamie Dot : Here's the show's namey Cast : Animaniacs! Those are the facts! (Transcribed by Brendan Dunn and Jay Maynard) =============================================== TRAVELING ANIMANIACS from the "Yakko's World" album Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Richard Stone and Julie Bernstein. YW+D : It's time for Animaniacs And we're really making tracks Let's go all around the earth From Alaska down to Perth We're travelin' maniacs Come join us on our journey As we race around the globe You may meet an attorney Or an Eskimo named Joe We'll go to Bora Bora Or maybe Kokomo We promise not to bore ya But of course you never know We're travelin' maniacs From Bombay to Halifax Y+D : Board a bus or take a yak Or just jump on Wakko's back And don't forget the snacks YW+D : From Canada to Paraguay And places in between From India to Mozambique You'll see just what we mean It's fun to visit countries That you have never seen But if you drink the water there You might turn slightly green We're travelin' maniacs With our knapsacks on our backs We'll leave raisins in our tracks From the trail mix in our slacks We're Animanee Totally insane-y Dot : Let's not miss our plane-y YW+D : Animaniacs! Bring your backpacks! (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== A QUAKE! A QUAKE! from the "Yakko's World" album Music by Robert Schumann (The Happy Farmer). Lyrics by Randy Rogel. These lyrics are different than the originals, which appeared later in Episode 70. See above for those. Yakko: It's a quiet, peaceful night The moon is shining bright Giving not a hint of what's in store A few hours before morning Without a single warning Something strange begins to move the floor A quake, a quake The house begins to shake You're bouncing 'cross the floor And watching all your dishes break You're sleeping; there's a quake You're instantly awake You're leaping out of bed And shouting "Oh for heaven's sake!" I ran outside with neighbors Their faces full of shocks That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks W+D : Oops! Yakko: A quake, a quake This must be a mistake Just feel the ground Go up and down Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake Oh, what a mess they make The bricks, the walls The chimney falls Destruction in its wake I did not have insurance I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening To an answering machine Say "Too late, too late You shouldn't ought to wait 'Cause now you're stuck We wish you luck Here comes a six-point-eight!" Whose fault, whose fault? Blame it on the fault 'Cause Mister Richter Can't predict her Kicking our asphalt Seismologists all say Tectonic plates are in between An encroaching crustal mantle Yeah, so what the heck's that mean? It means a quake, a quake W+D : Oh really, yeah, no fake? We kind of had that feeling When the ground began to shake Yakko: And so we wait Resign ourselves to fate Because our lawn Is sitting on A continental plate We shivered through a blizzard Went swimming in a flood Then we blew off a hurricane And now we hear a thud Of a quake, a quake How much more can we take? We thought that we had seen it all But this one takes the cake The dirt, the rocks Those crazy aftershocks It's just the planet Moving granite Several city blocks *YW+D: Now the town is falling down * While the ground * Moves around * We won't let it get us down * Get beneath the door frame Yakko: A quake, a quake It's time to pull up stake Dot : The worst is over Y+W : We don't buy it We're fed up We can't deny it We just want some peace and quiet YW+D : So we're moving to Beirut! * - sung to "London Bridge" (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== THE HELLO SONG from the "Yakko's World" album Music by Julie Bernstein, Peter Hastings and Paul Rugg. Lyrics by Paul Rugg. Yakko: There's a word in every language A word that you should know A word that means you're friendly A word used high and low. Though the way to say it varies Most everywhere you go Its meaning never changes And that word is... YW+D : ...Hello! YW+D : Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Yakko: In Germany it's "guten tag" Which also means "good day" "Ni hao" is exactly how Hello sounds in Taipei. In Portugal it's "ola" In Arabic, "salem" Saying "zravo" means hello In Macedonian. It's "aloha" in Hawaii They say "ya su" in Greece In Israel the word's "shalom" And that means "peace". The Italians have "buon giorno" The Viennese, "servus" When you're at the Eiffel Tower Just smile and say "salut!" YW+D : Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Yakko: In Nepal they say "namaste" In Sweden, "goddag" In Thailand, "sabai dee roo" "Dobri den" in Prague. In the Spanish language, "hola" The Netherlands, it's "dahkh" In Japanese, "konnichi-wa" And "hey" in Little Rock. When you say "u hali gani" Swahili is the tongue In Russian it's "zdrahstvooyteh" Which sounds way better sung. If you're ever in Korea "Ahnyung hahsay yo!" And in some parts of Brooklyn Hello is just plain "yo!" Y+W : Hello! Dot : Hello! Y+W : Hello! Dot : Hello... Y+W : Hello! Dot : Hello?? Y+W : Hello! Dot : Hello!! YW+D : Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! YW+D : Though the way to say it varies Most everywhere you go Its meaning never changes Hello! Hello!! Hello!!! G'bye! (Transcribed by David Orozco and Andy Diaz) =============================================== SEVERAL DROPS OF RAIN from the "Yakko's World" album Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Y+W : It's raining; It's pouring Don't sing a song that's boring... Dot : There's a plain up in Maine Where there're tiny drops of rain Forming ripples in a puddle that they make. And that puddle grows beyond Into something called a pond Spreading outward 'til it turns into a lake. When that lake springs a leak Then it forms a little creek Which goes rushing down and turns into a stream. And the water keeps on flowing So that trees can keep on growing In a pattern that is showing nature's scheme. And every flower, every weed Get the water that they need From that little tiny stream which trickles by. Y+W : And in the swamp it picks up germs From bacteria and worms And if you drink it you'll get really sick and die. Dot : Hey, this is my song! The stream joins a river And goes racing to deliver All the water as it rushes to the sea. Then it flows into a bay Where it's quickly swept away To the ocean, filled with motion, swirling free. Then the sun shines on down Putting heat upon the ground And evaporating mist into the air. And the water starts to rise As it lifts into the skies And soon there is rain, on that plain, up in Maine. Y+W : And that rain Is a pain So why don't they build a drain? Dot : For water has position Which is always in transition From the mountains to the oceans to the sky. Y+W : And it's something you can drink Or that you spit into the sink If you control the way it goes You can shoot it out your nose If you try Dot : And now you both can say goodbye! Hyah! [throws something which shatters] (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== I'LL TAKE AN ISLAND from the "Yakko's World" album Music by Julie Bernstein. Lyrics by John P. McCann. Wakko: I'll take an island Staten or Ireland Japan and Cyprus too With water on four sides Not three Like peninsulas do Yeah! I'll take Greenland It's not a mean land It's east of Baffin Bay And Easter Island's Got heads Big as a Circle-K Crete belongs to Greece While Jamaica has Kingston Bay Brando lives in Fiji they say And Cuba's in the water Doing what it oughta Old Indonesia Is bound to please ya Stop by for Java and cream While the Philippines Got islands Coming out of their jeans Take it, boys! Play, magic fingers, play! Ooh, swing it! Let's hear it for the band, folks! All right! You keep the landmass I'll take a Sandwich Island near the cold South Pole If you're looking for me Try an island Anywhere on the globe (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== THERE'S ONLY ONE OF YOU from the "Yakko's World" album Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel. Yakko: There are fifty thousand different kinds of animals And there are fifty thousand more that used to be There's a hundred million ants And half a billion plants And a lot of fish down underneath the sea There's gotta be a couple million spiders A hundred-fifty million butterflies and bees And a bunch of different mammals Like those elephants and camels And approximately fifty billion trees Y+W : But there is only one of you That makes you special You stand out among the other things; it's true YW+D : Yes, the universe is large And whoever is in charge Made lots of things, but only one of you Yakko: A one, a two, a three, and a four A thousand and a million and a billion or more There's a trillion drops of water in the ocean And a billion trillion molecules of air There are insects here en masse And a trillion blades of grass And a thousand strands in every head of hair A lot of little grains of dirt make up this planet A billion atoms on the head of every pin A million birds that all can fly A trillion stars up in the sky And all the many different people there have been Y+W : But there is only one of you That makes you special Yes, there is nothing else exactly like you are YW+D : 'Cause you're unique and you're terrific And you're kind of real specific 'Cause there's no one else the same As the person you became Wakko: In fact, you're kind of weird Yakko: But we like you just the same YW+D : 'Cause you're the only one of you there are Ba ba doop mm Ba ba doop mm Ba ba doo ba! (Transcribed by David Orozco) =============================================== CRAZY CAREERS (Kids' WB! public service announcements featuring the Warners) (intro) YW+D : Kids' WB! presents, you see A person you might want to be Those Crazy Careers! (see below for individual episodes) (close) YW+D : That's our song And now so long From Crazy Careers! --- The Highest Job Yakko : At five o'clock she'll wake up Get dressed and put on make-up The crew is out; they're ready to fly Dot : She's cute and photographic Her job is watching traffic From a helicopter high in the sky Yakko : She goes up; she goes down She goes flying around She's always there live on the scene Where you'll find her up in the sky Looking down at some guy Who stopped on the pass 'Cause he ran out of gas, and it's clear YW+D : 'Cause when it's bumper-to-bumper down there We're sure glad we're up here! --- The Gummiest Job Dot : If your teeth are a disaster We'll make some out of plaster And we'll shove them up inside of your head. Yakko : And that's what we do So if you like to chew On that bubble gum, candy and cake Then you better use toothpaste and floss And brush down and across 'Cause if you don't brush 'em Then we'll have to flush 'em, it's true YW+D : And then we'll give you some teeth That connect to your head with some glue! --- The Kneadiest Job Yakko : They first turn on the power Then dump in lots of flour It's a complicated process ahead Dot : A bakery is a factory And all it does is exactly Is to turn a bunch of dough into bread Yakko : It gets cut into layers And put on conveyors That move it all around the machine So we can add some body and some malt And some sugar and salt Then we cook it and we bake it And that's how we're making bread here, you see YW+D : And the best part of all When you work here You get some for free! --- The Cleanest Job MJFrog: To make a microchip is tricky So you have to be nit-picky Can't have dirt or nothing sticky anywhere Wakko : I wear a funny suit with hoses It's designed so it encloses All my fingers and my toeses and my germs MJFrog: You know, a clean room's quite exotic There's machines they call robotic And they have to be methodic when they make the chip, it's true YW+D : Because a little piece of dust Can cause a microchip to bust That's why they're clean when we go fetch them Then we stamp them then we etch them And then once we ship that microchip to you Frog : We'll make it obsolete by building one that's new! Yeah! --- The Crunchiest Job Yakko : Here's the place to stuff your face 'Cause what we do all day Is grind corn up into strips To make fried tortilla chips Yakko : We take each piece with elbow grease And grind it into paste FogLeg: Six thousand chips a minute We ain't got no time to waste Yakko : The chips we make, machines all take And move without a snag Tweety: And when they're done, they drop each one Inside a little bag Yakko : So shove those chips into your lips And then they'll end up on your hips! --- The Flightiest Job Yakko : Here's a guy who likes to fly Up really high above He's trained and he's prepared He's nervous; he's not scared Yakko : With pressure suits and special boots A helmet on his face FogLeg: He's dressed up like the astronauts Who go into outer space Yakko : The earth's below and here we go Way up into the sky Tweety: And afterward, we're like a bird That's seven miles high Yakko : Avoid those pesky crowds Try working in the clouds! --- The Wordiest Job Yakko : Here's a stack of paper We move her and we shape her To print the daily paper for you Dot : Steer and direct it And then we all inspect it For the ink and paint and color and glue Yakko : All the different sections Go off in ten directions And have to pass inspections by me Look at all the stuff that we use Just to bring you the news Like the pictures and the stories In the different categories you need YW+D : And we print it for you So we hope that you learn how to read. --- The Moldiest Job Yakko : We're the place that makes the face That models your clothes We make the mannequins you see in the store Yakko : I take this pup and carve it up And look what you get Yakko : Making body parts is graphic arts And tricky to do Wakko : So how'd you like to lend them a hand? Yakko : The factory spreads with plaster heads All over the place Once we make them then we take them And paint them each face We give them eyes and ears and noses Pinky : And ankles, feet and toeses YW+D : To model panty hoses for you! --- The Bossiest Job Yakko : When second base is stolen He's got the cameras rollin' He's back inside the trailer, you see Dot : He's filming every sector He's producer and director Of a baseball game you watch on TV Yakko : He's watching all these pictures To get the perfect mixtures And put them all together for you So that every shot that you see On your big-screen TV Is designed and it's proven To keep it all movin' on cue YW+D : And now back to you! --- The Most Up And Down Job Yakko : Bought every tool And went to school And mastered my trade Now I'm repairing these ball bearings each day Yakko : I've got guts I may be nuts But oh what a view Yakko : Up we go And moving slow And picking up speed Wakko : We're standing twenty storeys high in the air Yakko : So take a ride Just step inside We're closing the doors While you're talking It beats walking Up those seventeen floors It's safe and strong and stable Pinky : So trust that union label YW+D : And pray that stupid cable holds on! --- The Most Tuned In Job MJFrog: When you're supposed to mow the lawn But both your mom and dad are gone And so you flip the TV on To watch a show Wakko : Ah, you're stumped and mystified At how that screen that's really wide Has all those circuit boards inside YW+D : That make it go Wakko : Well, here's the place we build 'em Once we've soldered 'em and drilled 'em Then we've made sure that we've filled 'em Up with wire MJFrog: So come and watch us do it And you'll see how we go through it 'Cause there's really nothin' to it When you make big-screen TVs YW+D : Just take a ?????? And then shove them all together But you gotta use precision Under constant supervision And then once that television's out the door MJFrog: Today we'll only have to make a hundred more. Yeah! --- The Pushiest Job Yakko : I can float 'Cause I'm the boat That pushes ships around When they need to move that barge I'm the guy in charge Yakko : Grab that wheel I love to feel We're sailing out to sea FogLeg: I say, a tugboat captain, that's the guy I really wanna be Yakko : It's what I crave To feel that wave Go crashing cross the bow Tweety: We're off the land, on water And I'm really seasick now Yakko : So don't be a stuffy snob Get a really pushy job! --- The Wildest Job Yakko : She's a vet And you can bet That you could be too Because all your friends belong in the zoo Yakko : All her pals Are animals Like monkeys and chimps Yakko : Electric eels And barking seals Are funny and nice Wakko : I love to watch them open wide and say "Ah!" Yakko : I like the mammals And the camels And the elephants too I'm a vet'rinary doctor And I love what I do So let turtles be your clients Pinky : And crocodiles and lions YW+D : Take biologic science in school! --- The Most Mixed Up Job Yakko : Feast your eyes 'Cause we're the guys Whose job is making paint. You want pink or navy blue? We do periwinkle, too. Yakko : Play it smart We always start By putting it in cans. FogLeg: Got to be real careful, son Don't spill it on your hands. YW+D : To paint your wall Just give a call 'Cause we're the guys you need. Tweety: Any color of the spectrum And it's ten-year guaranteed. Yakko : So go buy some at the store Then they'll pay us to make more! --- The Tastiest Job MJFrog: Are you the kind who likes to eat A tasty treat that's nice and sweet? Well, here's a job that can't be beat It's what I do. Wakko : They mix it up real fine On a big assembly line Then the tasting part is mine As I walk through. MJFrog: Creamy flavor or non-dairy Lemon, lime, vanilla, cherry Chocolate, grape, or boysenberry How 'bout ?? ripple too? YW+D : Or maple walnut almond fudge Hey, I'm the guy who gets to judge That chocolate chip and rocky road I eat my Corn Flakes a la mode And I just hope I don't explode right off my feet. MJFrog: Now bring on all that ice cream and let's eat! =============================================== STEVEN SPIELBERG PRESENTS PINKY AND THE BRAIN theme Music by Richard Stone. Lyrics by Tom Ruegger. They're Pinky and The Brain Yes, Pinky and The Brain One is a genius The other's insane. They're laboratory mice Their genes have been spliced They're dinky They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain. Before each night is done Their plan will be unfurled By the dawning of the sun They'll take over the world. They're Pinky and The Brain Yes, Pinky and The Brain Their twilight campaign Is easy to explain. To prove their mousey worth They'll overthrow the Earth They're dinky They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Narf! =============================================== BRAINSTEM (Episode P003) Music by Stephen Foster (Camptown Races). Lyrics by Tom Minton. Pinky: And now, the parts of the brain, performed by The Brain! Brain: Ye-e-s! Brain: Neo-cortex, frontal lobe Pinky: Brainstem! Brainstem! Brain: Hippocampus, neural node Right hemisphere. Brain: Pons and cortex visual Pinky: Brainstem! Brainstem! Brain: Silvian-Fisher pinnial Left hemisphere. Brain: Cerebellum left! Cerebellum right! Synapse, hypothalamus Triaton, dendrite. Brain: Axon fibers, matter gray Pinky: Brainstem! Brainstem! Brain: Central tegmental pathway Temporal lobe. Brain: White core matter, forebrain, skull Pinky: Brainstem! Brainstem! Brain: Central fissure, cord spinal Parietal. Brain: Pia mater! Menengeal vein! Medulla oblongata and lobe limbic Micro-electrodes... Pinky: Naaarf! P+B : THE BRAIN!!! Brain: That ought to keep the little squirts happy. Ye-e-s! (Transcribed by Rylan Hilman and Jay Maynard) =============================================== CHEESE ROLL CALL (Episode P004C) Music by John Philip Sousa (Semper Fidelis). Lyrics by Paul Rugg. Pinky: A world of cheeses Deliciously made for you and me Flavors like Provolone and Brie Each with its own ethnicity. So many cheeses Are available all around the world for you to eat Especially good with crackers and meat A nice yummy treat. Thousands of cheeses The texture of some can be real gooey Others are quite firm and chewy Some are better when mildewy. Bountiful cheeses When you take a big whiff a few Will make you want to spew Especially strong is the cheese Remoudou A real stinkeroo. It's incredible just how many kinds there are From countries near and far It's really quite bizarre. Now from the mouths of cheeses big and small We proudly present to you The cheese roll call. *Wensleydale: I am the British cheese Wensleydale, lightly * pressed and smooth textured with a subtle * milky flavor which is clean and refreshing. * *Pinky: Welcome, Wensleydale! * *Cheddam: G'day! I am Australian Cheddam, an * innocuous, golden yellow, rindless block * inspired by Cheddar and Edam! * *Pinky: Welcome, Cheddam! Edelpilzkaese: I am the German cheese Edelpilzkaese, a fine, blue-veined cheese with a pale ivory paste and very dark veins traveling vertically through me. Pinky: Welcome, Edelpil... Edel... oh, willkommen! +Brie: I am the French cheese Brie, a soft, + unpressed, naturally drained cow's milk with + white rind flora, molded into large flat disks + and ripened for three to four weeks. Pinky: Thank you, cheeses! I want to eat you all! Pinky: Oh, how I like my cheeses Cheese from around the world Cheese is the taste that pleases Cheese from around the world (sing with me, cheeses!) +some: Oh, how I like my cheeses Cheese from around the world (everybody!) +all : Cheese is the taste that pleases Cheese from around the world Around this great big world Around this big cheese world Around this great big world Around this big -- cheese -- world! Pinky: Mmm... yummy! Narf! * - On the "Variety Pack" album, Cheddam speaks before Wensleydale. + - Brie speaks only on the "Variety Pack" album. (Transcribed by Steve Kramer) =============================================== Lyrics from BRAINANIA (Episode P005) by John P. McCann Brain: Spears in hand We sail for Yap We will wipe Them off the... Pinky: ...front porch! Brain: Brainania You nation of folks Pinky: Here comes a guy Selling watery Cokes. Brain: We will fight And never quit Pinky: Find me a rooftop And I will spit. Narf! =============================================== Theme from A PINKY AND THE BRAIN CHRISTMAS (Episode P009) by Peter Hastings They're Pinky and The Brain Yes, Pinky and The Brain One is a genius The other's insane. Their holiday plan Is to overthrow man They're dinky They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain. By the dawn of Christmas Day Their plot shall be unfurled They'll control the Earth And bring joy to the world! They're Pinky and The Brain Yes, Pinky and The Brain They're happy merry gentlemen Singing this refrain. And after Christmas Eve The world will believe In Pinky In Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain Narf! =============================================== Lyrics from MOUSE OF LA MANCHA (Episode P012) by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV "Don Cerebro" (parody of Don Quixote) Brain: Listen up, all you sniv'ling and cowardly mice You may live in your cage if you please But not I, for I've learned not to take just a slice When I'm destined to have the whole cheese. It is I, Don Cerebro, the mouse of La Mancha I'm blessed with a huge frontal lobe For a mouse with my power, it won't take an hour I plan to take over the globe. I plan to take over the globe. Thanks to my huge frontal lobe. Pinky: I'm Pinky; yes, I'm Pinky I poit and I narf and I say "Egad!" I botch up his plans, daily Then he conks me when he's mad. (conk!) Brain: Pay attention, you nobles and peasants of Spain You may think that I haven't a chance But I have an immensely superior brain Pinky: And he's wearing aluminum pants. Brain: It is I, Don Cerebro... Pinky: I'm Pinky, yes... ...the mouse of La Mancha I'm Pinky I'm blessed with a hu-- (THUD!) I'm poit and I naarr...ooh. Brain? --- "To Scheme the Improbable Scheme" (parody of To Dream the Impossible Dream) Brain: It's not important whether he succeeded or not. What's important is... Brain: To scheme the improbable scheme To plan the unthinkable plan To build when your arms are too tiny To walk in the suit of a man. This is my fate To conquer the earth To play with the big boys Though I lack the girth To reach for the stars On a whim or a dare I could climb to the top If I only could reach the first stair. And the world doesn't know what they'll miss If a mouse doesn't follow his dream To scrawl with his last bit of graphite To scheme the improbable scheme! =============================================== It's over. Go away!