I'm Glad I'm a Man


 I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am, I am king

 I don't live off of berries, bob-bons, and rings

 I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections

 I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions.



 I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell

 I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel

 I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such

 and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust.



 I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud.

 I'm not all bitchy, annoying and loud.

 I won't try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small.

 My crdit card is still good when I leave from the mall.



 Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see

 I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree

 I don't believe every ad with the word free



 I won't drink diet coke, or eat a rice cake.

 There's no silicone here, my chest isn't fake.

 My face isn't "lifted," my bra isn't stuffed,

 I do what's proper, I leave the toilet seat up.

 

 It doesn't take hours to fix up my hair,

 I don't see the need to use the bathroom in pairs.

 I won't throw a tyrade and then blame PMS.

 I'm a man, and I'm glad I can deal with my stress.



 I have intuition, I never get lost.

 I share household duties, I won't try to be boss.

 I'm a man and with that comes a high sense of class.

 I won't wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass.



 I won't go out at night in a black leather skirt,

 Then slap anybody who just tries to flirt.

 You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,

 To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls.



 I won't cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot

 I don't make up false places, like the infamous "G-spot."

 I'm a man of high faith, its my right to command.

 The bible and God say all women must serve under man.

 I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true--

 I'm glad I'm a man and not a woman like you.